


Colours of Love

by Twisted_Mirror



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Artists, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Rey (Star Wars), Awkwardness, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Depression, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Porn, Emotionally Repressed, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face-Fucking, Falling In Love, Finger Sucking, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gingerose, Home, I Love You, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Lawyer Ben Solo, Love Confessions, Masturbation, Maz Matchmaking, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Minor Rey/Rose Tico, Nude Modeling, Oral Sex, Painting, Penis In Vagina Sex, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, References to Depression, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Romantic Fluff, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sexy, Sexy Times, Shyness, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Snoke Being a Dick, Soft Ben Solo, Touch-Starved, True Love, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, artist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24132514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Mirror/pseuds/Twisted_Mirror
Summary: Ben is a lonely lawyer that lives across the street from Rey a free spirited artist who works in her apartment. He likes to watch her work but has never met her.
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 124
Kudos: 501
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. Grey World

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hellyjellybean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellyjellybean/gifts).



> I've written this fic for my lovely friend HellyBelly, to say thank you for all of her support and friendship. She has introduced me to some amazing fellow reylos and always supports my writing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, working as a Lawyer, lives across the street from Rey, a free spirited artist. He watches her, admiring her work and feeling a pull to her though he'd never have the guts to talk to her. Little does he realise, but she's been watching him too.

Ben wrapped the bath sheet around his still damp body as he stepped from the steaming bathroom. The golden morning sun, full of sunflower yellow and golden oranges flooded his apartment with light, tinged with a rosy pink. It was his favourite time of the day, when the world was still waking and everything felt quiet and peaceful. He poured himself a freshly brewed mug of black coffee, Colombian of course, and walked over to the windows overlooking the street and the neighbouring building. Would she be there, was it too early for her? Unlike him, whom you could time to the second, she had no strict schedule or routine, she would be there when she was there. Today was Saturday, yet he still woke up the same time he would for work. He would workout for an hour, shower, drink his coffee and have breakfast. Whether she was there or not was a bonus. He inadvertently felt his spirits lift when he spotted her, she was up early, or had she not yet been to bed? One could never tell.

Looking across the street to the studio apartment that ran level to his, he watched her at work. He didn’t know her name or who she was even, but every day he would look for her and her work, creations that she would conjure from canvas, paint and ink. He wouldn’t call himself an art fanatic or lover even, but something about her work spoke to him, finding that it quieting his often clouded and turbulent mind. The view he had of her apartment afforded him a view of her studio in such a way he could see her work lined up against the wall opposite, and when he was lucky like this morning, he could see her at work. He always tried to be careful that she couldn’t see him, standing back in the shadows or behind the plant he had positioned there. He was horrified at the thought of her catching him looking, thinking his motivations were less than salubrious, a pervert stalking her. I mean it wasn’t that she wasn’t attractive, he wouldn’t lie and say he hadn’t noticed her long toned legs she often bared in shorts, or her tight peachy butt, the way her body moved like a dancer as she painted. Yet it wasn’t the reason he looked, he was drawn to her work and the way she worked, like a hypnotic dancer. 

Her studio had windows on all sides, flooding it with light as she danced across the canvas with her brush. He watched as she added deep carmine, violet and blue the colour of midnight, swirling the colours until they told a story. The lines and strokes on the blank canvas would tell whatever story she wanted it to, obeying her commands, listening to her voice. The giant checked shirt she wore swamped her petite figure, her long legs, bare and exposed had smudges of paint marking them. He felt his whole body relax as he watched her, the stress and rage of a week’s work at the First Order Law Firm began to melt away. 

He sipped the rich, black coffee, inhaling its earthy bitter scent. He wished that he could meet her, speak to her but what would he say? 

“Oh, I enjoy watching you from my window. Wanna get coffee?”

He couldn’t see that going down very well, besides someone like her, free spirited, would just look at him and see a suit. A suit living a joyless life with no soul because he wanted bigger an better things and left behind his family’s values. It was his own fault, he’d been so blind, so stubborn, so turned by words. Sighing he drained the cup, taking one last look at her. He could watch her all day but he had work today. Despite it being the weekend, he knew that he would have a million and one emails to attend to, no rest for the wicked. 

−−

Rey mixed the vermillion with the inky blue, swirling it across the canvas. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was trying to say, but she needed to get it out there, see its colours mingle and reflect her emotions. Dark and stormy, blue, lots of blue with flashes of red. Out the corner of her eye she saw him, Mr Suit, standing there, slightly out of full view, watching her, his coffee mug in hand. She smiled slyly to herself, he was right on time. She knew his routine like clock-work, knew that he would be awake this time of morning, he always was, whether it was the weekend or not. She also knew that he watched her when she worked, hiding in the shadows, thinking he was out of sight, but he wasn’t. She wasn’t sure how long he had been watching her for when she first saw him, and she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t let him know he could see him. Instead she’d let him look, let him watch her. She did not get lascivious vibes from him, which was crazy because she had no way of telling that. 

As the paintbrush added another long stroke down across the canvas, mingling the blood red with the midnight blue, she stole a sneaky look across at him. He stood sipping his coffee mug, wrapped in nothing but a towel around his waist. Although there was the street between them, she could see the hard, muscular contours of his body, his skin pale and smooth. She marvelled at how his body looked as though it was carved from marble, hard and solid. She smirked to herself as she felt that familiar warmth between her thighs when she thought of her mysterious voyeur. She didn’t know him, not even his name but she knew he worked, a lot. In fact, he was barely at his apartment, sometimes not getting home until the late hours. She’d see him walk into his apartment, flicking on the light, wearily walking across the room and putting his briefcase on the chair before pulling his tie off. He didn’t seem to have any kind of social life or family, in fact he seemed to be as lonely as her, not that she’d admit it. 

She flicked her eyes across to his building once more as her wrist flicked the brush across the emerging piece. He’d gone. She felt a little stab of disappointment, feeling a strange emptiness knowing that he wasn’t there. 

“You’re pathetic you know that,” she muttered to herself. 

−−

After a long morning of emails and phone calls, several from Snoke and even more from Hux, Ben headed out. He needed to get some air, stretch his legs. He did the same thing every Saturday afternoon, walk to the Chandrila State park, do one lap, sit and read his book if the weather allowed, walk another lap and then head to the coffee shop around the corner to his apartment. If his life was empty, it was by his own hand, he couldn’t complain, could he? 

The bell to the Java the Hut jangled as he entered, his tall frame filling the doorway. The smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns and biscotti filled the air, interspersed with the rich scent of coffee dancing across the steam.

“Ben Solo!” the diminutive, somewhat wizened shop keeper Maz called to him from somewhere behind the counter. 

“Hey Maz,” he replied, awkwardly hovering near the specials board. 

She scrambled from behind the counter, wiping her wrinkled hands across her apron, her face smeared with what Ben assumed was flour. Without any hesitation she grabbed both of his hands in hers, making his hands look gigantic in her tiny ones. She peered up at him through her wide spectacles with a frown. 

“Where have you been?”

“I’ve been working Maz, you know that,” he grumbled.

“Working, working, always working,” she murmured, shaking her head. “It wouldn’t kill you to take a holiday.”

Ben sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me young man! Wasting your life at that place,” she chuntered. “Anyway, you want the usual?”

“Yes please,” he replied heading to his usual table near the door, positioned in the window

“Have you called your mother yet?” she called out, as she bustled busily behind the counter, scurrying around the young barista’s feet. 

Ben felt that uncomfortable lurch in his stomach at the mention of his mother.

“No Maz.”

He heard her muttering away to herself, not able to decipher what she said though he had a pretty good idea of the sentiment. 

Within minutes Maz bought over a large mug of Americano infused with hazelnut and a plate containing a cinnamon swirl.

“Extra shot of coffee as usual,” she said placing the mug in front of him.

“Thanks, though I didn’t order the cake,” he frowned a little.

“Oh, live a little Solo, your life is so black and white, add a little colour.”

She ruffled his hair and wandered off. He looked down at the golden, iced pastry, it did look good. He took a bite, letting the flaky, buttery pastry melt across his tongue, damn, it tasted good too. Maybe Maz was right. Sighing he took his book out and began to read as he sipped the hot liquid. Subconsciously he heard the shop’s bell ring once more; a light breeze ruffled his hair and the scent of vanilla and flowers washed over him. He carried on with the paragraph that he was reading when his ears picked up at the sound of a light musical voice, soft and lilting, British. He looked up from the pages that had become a blur, it was her, she was there in the café. She stood at the counter in a short, light yellow sundress, like the personification of summer. He let his eyes travel down her toned legs to the brown leather, slightly worn sandals upon her feet. Her shoulder length, wavy brown hair, half pulled from her face, tumbled on to her shoulders. He felt an instant tightening in his pants and his heart beat skipping, it had to be the amount of coffee he consumed, though it didn't explain the pants. He quickly ran his fingers through his hair trying to tidy it after Maz’s ministrations. 

“Rey darling!!” Maz shouted with a smile.

Rey, that was her name, Rey. Short and sweet, like her he mused.

‘A ray of sunshine.’ He instantly grimaced to himself, what was wrong with him? 

His neighbour, or Rey, chatted with Maz for a few moments before turning round, holding her cup and looking for a seat. As she looked round her eyes locked with his, and for a brief second, she paused. He felt his cheeks begin to heat up, red and blushing. He raised his lips into what he hoped was a casual non-chalant smile, unfortunately he looked awkward and a little constipated. She looked away, not responding and took her seat opposite him, the other side of the café. 

His heart sank and his pride took a deep dive. That had not gone how he had sometimes envisioned it in his more self indulgent moments. Sighing he stirred his coffee and took an even bigger bite of the pastry, savouring its richness. He tried to concentrate on his book, but he was painfully aware that she sat just across the way, he could still smell her, all sweet and light. He just sat staring at the page, the words a meaningless jumble in front of him. He couldn’t read, couldn’t concentrate, but looking at the page gave him something to focus on, away from her. Ten minutes of blankly staring at his book, he risked a look up, she was staring right back at him, her hand holding her mug. 

‘Shit.’

He flicked his eyes back down, his ears now burning. He’d finish his coffee and get out of there. 

Moments later, he became aware of a pair of tanned, toned legs, smooth and soft standing next to him, the same legs he had been glancing at earlier. His eyes automatically drifted from her sandalled feet up to her thighs, the yellow skirt of her dress skimming her skin. His gaze carried on up past her waist, up to her petite breasts, hugged tight by the bright fabric, her freckled collarbones, a slender neck and then her beautiful face looking down at him. He froze and his stomach lurched. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. 

“I saw you watching me,” she said, her expression giving nothing away.

“Sorry…I was just trying to be friendly…” he stammered.

She shook her head.

“I’m not talking about just then. I’ve seen you watching me work in my apartment,” he couldn’t tell if she was angry or weirded out, she must be right?

“I…I…erm…I’m sorry, it’s not, I’m not…”

‘Shit, fuck, what do I say?’

He slammed his book shut and stood up abruptly, causing her to realise just how tall he was. Looking up at him she didn’t flinch, just held his gaze, though the heat from his solid body and the musky, clean slightly spiced scent flooded her senses. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, grabbing his book and rushing from the shop, in a whirlwind of embarrassment. 

He raced up the street, his heart racing, his palms sweating.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’

“Hey!”

A woman’s voice called to him from behind. He stopped dead and turned slowly around. Rey. 

She approached him slowly, her hands clutching her leather bag at her shoulder. 

“Why did you run off?” she didn’t look annoyed, more amused.

“I figured you thought I was a creep,” he said slowly, his eyes on the ground.

Then she did something that shot through him like a heady rush, she smiled at him. Her whole face lighting up, making her eyes sparkle and flash amber. 

“No, I don’t think that,” she laughed, her voice light. “I’m flattered that you like my artwork.”

He felt his whole boy relax, relief sweeping through him. 

“Oh…yeh, you’re really good,” he couldn’t believe his cheeks were turning a deep shade of pink again, he felt like a love struck school boy not an intimidating lawyer. 

“Do you want to come up? To my apartment?” she asked, her expression almost hopeful.

He was pretty sure his heart had stopped.

“Wh…what?”

“Would you like to come up and see my art work up close?” she clarified; he was sure that she was blushing now. “I can make coffee, though it’s not as good as Maz’s.”

“Yes.”

Damn, he’d answered far too quickly. If she hadn’t thought he was a creep before she surely would now. To his surprise however, her smile widened.

“I mean, yes I’d love to,” he added, trying to speak more formally.

“Great,” she replied. “I’m Rey by the way.”

She held out her hand, and for a second, he just stared at her delicate fingers, the nails with various colours of paint wedged beneath them. He remembered himself and took her hand in his, warm and pliant. Did he imagine it or did her lips part and her breath hitch? Did she feel the same spark and rush surge through him as he did? He scolded himself, probably not, it was wishful thinking on his part. 

“I’m Ben,” he replied, reluctantly letting go of her hand. 

“Well follow me Ben.”

She skipped off in the direction of her building, Ben his heart in his mouth, followed her, not quite believing that this was happening. Neither were aware of Maz watching intently from the café window, her hands clasped together gleefully.


	2. A Wash Of Colour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Rey up on her offer to visit her apartment and view her artwork. Both get to know each other a little more, as an attraction sparks between them.

Rey still could not believe she had asked the tall, brooding stranger to come up to her apartment. Well, stranger was a relative term, after all he had been watching her for some time, and she him. She could imagine how Finn would react if he knew that she was inviting strange men up to her apartment, knowing that they’d been watching her. Her overprotective best friend would most definitely give her an ear full. He followed her into the building, his heart still racing from the unexpected but not unwelcome turn of events. She started climbing the stairs, taking them two at a time.

“Sorry, the lifts out of order,” she called behind her as Ben noticed the yellow caution strip across the lift’s metal door. 

He shrugged and followed her up, his long legs soon catching up with her. She was at the door, fumbling with her key, her cheeks a deliciously rosy pink. 

“They’re in here somewhere,” she mumbled as she rooted around in the depths of her worn leather bag.

Ben didn’t say anything, still not really knowing what to say, feeling awkward and a little out of place. Rey could feel herself getting warmer by the second, despite the floaty sun dress she wore; his physical presence next to her was somehow affecting her ability to function as a normal human being. She could feel the warmth radiating from his body, and his scent flooding her senses with his musky cedarwood and what smelt like his shampoo, fresh and fruity. 

‘When did this hallway get so narrow?’ she mused to herself, frustratingly pushing the messy contents of her bag around.

She let out a little victorious cry as her fingers grasped the cool metal of the small bunch of keys. She looked up Ben, holding up the keys, a big grin spread across her face. He gave her a small smile back as she popped the key in the door and let them in.

He slowly shut the door behind him as he let his eyes explore the light, spacious room. She threw her bag on to the sofa and walked over to fill the kettle.

“Coffee?” she called as the roar of the water tap filled the silence.

“Please.”

He slowly walked in, with an almost reverent air. This was her space; her sanctuary and he didn’t want to taint it in anyway. It was wholly her. Her living room/studio, kitchen and bathroom were all downstairs, a narrow metal spiral stair case led up to a sleeping are in the roof of the building. He approached the various canvases stacked against the wall as she stirred the mugs containing the coffee. 

“Cream and sugar?”

“Just cream please,” he replied as his eyes alighted on a canvas of a naked woman, her small petite form filling the canvas, her back to the viewer. 

The woman’s body was constructed from a myriad of colours, clashing against each other, yet forming a harmonious picture. Her curves and lines danced across the canvas in a sensuous celebration. He was so lost in the painting; he did not hear Rey approach him from behind. She stood watching him for just a second, the way his eyes ran over the piece, searching, understanding, his expression almost serene and gentle. 

“I finished that one last week,” she said quietly so as not to startle him.

He turned, almost surprised to see her standing next to him, holding the steaming mug out with a smile. Her scent washed over him in a dreamy haze, jasmine, vanilla and fresh cotton, he instantly wanted to push his face into her smooth, elegant neck. Hell, he wanted to push himself into her full stop, bury himself, lose himself in her. 

“Thanks,” he took it from her, trying not to dwell on the slight brush of her fingers across his. “I don’t remember seeing you do this one.”

He could have instantly kicked himself for drawing attention to his creeper status. If Rey noticed she didn’t react.

“Oh, I painted that one at the model’s home,” she explained before taking a sip of her drink, savouring the bitter taste. 

“It’s beautiful,” he stated. “I know that’s not a very art critic thing to say.”

She laughed at his little self-depreciating joke. He instantly felt a rush of endorphins at hearing her laugh, at something he had said. His lips betrayed a small smile in response. 

“It’s an honest response, and that’s better than what some stuffy critic might say.”

Their eyes locked for what seemed minutes but was in fact merely seconds before Ben managed to drag his eyes away and back on to the artwork. He walked the length of the canvases stacked against the wall, occasionally pulling one forward so that he could see the ones hidden behind. Some were abstract in their design, conveying mood and emotion, where as some were people, faces and bodies. Each one was unique to itself yet still showed a part of Rey and her style. 

He came across a face that was instantly familiar to him, Maz. The woman’s wizened features stood out from the canvas, a swirl of colour. Rey had captured the woman’s aged features but there was more than that. Ben could see Maz’s feisty personality, her soul looking at him, her dark espresso eyes sparkling back, not just her wrinkles and the years upon her face. Ben let out a little laugh.

“You’ve really captured her,” he smiled at Rey, his eyes flashing with a warmth that she felt rush through her whole body.

“She was fun to paint,” Rey replied standing a little closer to Ben, their arms barely brushing each other. “She’s been a good friend to me since I moved here.”

“Where have you moved from?” 

“Jakku.”

He watched her expression as she answered him and noticed a definite shadow veil her features. 

“Do you have family there?”

“Nope.”

She shook her head and walked away from him, sitting herself down on the sofa. 

“Sorry if I’m prying, it’s just that I feel like I’ve known you for ages without really knowing you at all,” he apologised, instantly recognising her discomfiture. 

Her expression was pensive as she weighed up her words in her head, or rather how much information to give him. Instead she changed the subject, it was safer, for her anyway. 

“How about you? You close to your family?”

She noted how is jaw immediately clenched and his posture stiffened. 

“Not really no,” his answer was short, almost curt. 

She could feel the anger in his tone but could also see something that resembled regret reflected in his eyes. 

“Bad childhood?”

She couldn’t help but push it a little further; for the first time in her life she felt a real need to get to know another person, really know them. She wanted to understand him and who he was. He shook his head slowly before downing the rest of his coffee. For a moment she thought that she had pushed too hard, that he would leave, but to her surprise he sat at the other end of the sofa, perching on the edge. 

“No, actually I had a great childhood.”

“So, what went wrong?”

He didn’t turn to look at her, just leant his elbows on his knees, staring at the wooden floor.

“I was a high achiever, always had been. My mom….my mom wanted to send me away, boarding school but I didn’t want to go, my dad didn’t want me to go. Mom won in the end, but I hated it there. I never fit in with the other kids, I grew angry, resentful. My parents didn’t want me, didn’t care.”

He let out a deep sigh, as though he had been holding on to those words for a long time. 

“Well it sounded like your dad cared,” she couldn’t help but comment, jealous that he had parents who wanted the best for him.

“If he really cared, he’d have bought me home,” Ben retorted, a little sharper than he intended.

Rey flinched.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised immediately, running his hands through his thick, shining hair.

Rey found herself immediately wishing she could do that, run her fingers through his lengths, sooth him somehow. 

“They obviously thought they were doing the right thing for you, wanted you to do well in life, I’ve never had that,” she spoke quietly. 

He felt a flutter of guilt at her words and the pain that she tried to hide behind them. Before he could question her, she carried on.

“What happened after?”

“As I got older, my anger coincided with puberty,” he let out a half-hearted laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood. “We argued a lot, every time I came home was worse until I stopped coming home. Then after uni I took a job at a law firm and they were not happy.”

“Why not?”

“Said that I was working for the devil incarnate, that we walked all over people,” he stood up again, getting more worked up and frustrated. “I couldn’t believe it, I was doing what they wanted, making something of my life and that still wasn’t good enough for them. I couldn’t win.”

“Are you happy?”

Her voice, though quiet and gentle stopped him in his tracks. He stood, looking down at her, his face unreadable.

“Sorry, that’s a lot of personal crap to dump on a stranger,” he laughed, changing the subject.

“We’re not strangers, not anymore.”

She decided not to comment on the fact that he had not answered her question, it could wait. She already knew the answer, he wasn’t happy, how could he be. From what she had seen, he lived in a joyless world and she wanted to change that. 

“No, we’re not,” then he flashed her a little half smirk that sent heat straight to the apex between her thighs.

She decided to change the subject, lighten a somewhat heavy mood.

“So Ben, what do you do for fun?”

He sat back down on the sofa, a little nearer to her this time, noting how the cushions bounced as his weight dropped on to them. She had a flash of imagining his weight above her and instantly blocked the image as her body flushed from head to toe, a heat that sparked an ache deep inside of her. 

“Erm, I workout, I go to the park.”

She raised her brows at him with a little smirk. 

“Working out does not class as fun!”

“To be honest I don’t have a lot of time with work,” he replied.

“You’re just trying to get me feeling sorry for you,” Rey laughed.

“Maybe…is it working?”

‘Is she flirting with me? Are we flirting?’ 

Ben couldn’t lie, he’d been attracted to her from the get go, before they’d even met, but he knew he had no chance with someone like her. She was all light and joy and spring, sensual and fun, a riot of colour in his otherwise stale life. 

“A little,” she replied with a wink. “Well, we’ll have to find something fun for us to do together.”

As the words left her mouth, she immediately realised the double meaning. The words just hung there between them. Ben felt himself flush as the blood rushed to an extremely inconvenient location. Rey jumped up, grabbing his mug simultaneously.

“Another coffee?”

“Yes please,” he thought her coffee was awful but didn’t have the heart to tell her. 

He stayed seated, trying to gather himself as she pottered in the kitchen, the clinking of spoons and ceramic echoing across to him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, repositioning himself the best he could. She returned to him, another steaming mug of coffee on offer. 

“So, I have a proposition for you…” she stated, her eyes sparkling with a hint of mischief as she passed him the mug. 

He knew he would do it already, he had no idea what it was but he would do anything she asked him, he was lost.


	3. Loneliness

She had no idea if he would agree, he seemed so closed off and tense, stuck to his schedule and weekly routine. 

“Would you let me paint you?”

Ben nearly choked on his coffee as his stomach did a nervous little flip. Rey on the opposite end of the sofa watched him, her fingers gripping her coffee mug, waiting for an answer. 

“Me? Paint me?” his eyebrows arched.

Rey laughed, the noise light and musical.

“Yes, paint you,” she took a sip of her coffee, her eyes staying fixed upon him.

He looked genuinely confused.

“Why would you want to paint me?”

The shadow that flitted across his features tugged at her heart, that look that she recognised all to well. 

“You have very distinct features that I’d love to put on canvas,” she avoided his eyes as she sipped her mug.

She couldn’t tell him that she wanted to paint him because he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen in her life. She couldn’t tell him that she wanted to let her brush dance across the canvas as she recreated him from paint, every line, shadow and look. For her, painting him would be the next best thing to touching him, letting her fingers dance across his skin. Feeling herself begin to blush, she tried to get her thoughts under control.

“If you don’t want to that’s fine.”

“No, I’ll do it,” he replied, before wondering if he had answered her too quickly again. 

Her face instantly lit up, and for a minute Ben couldn’t help but think that she was some other worldly creature sent to brighten his life. Her smile was so infectious, he could not help but smile back. 

“Great!”

She jumped up and started rummaging around in a wooden chest placed at the side of the sofa. She pulled out a sketch pad and pencil.

“If you’re not in a rush could I draw a few preliminary sketches of you today?” she asked, looking at him hopefully. 

Ben looked unsure, nervously placing his mug down on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Erm,” he saw her expression fall and found that he could not bear to disappoint her. “Of course.”

Her face instantly brightened and she flashed him that sunshine smile once more. 

“Where do you want me?” 

He blushed instantly, his mind automatically taking him to the alternate meaning of those words. Rey didn’t seem to notice and jumped back on to the sofa, crossing her legs and turning to face him, her sketchbook on her lap. He couldn’t help but notice her tanned, luscious legs peaking out from the skirts of her dress, instantly feeling a surge of arousal. He clenched his fingernails into his palm, wondering why he was behaving like a horny adolescent. 

“You can stay there,” she relied, already moving her pencil across the paper. “These are just some rough sketches, so I can get an idea of composition, you know?”

Ben nodded, trying to relax, listening to the sound of her pencil moves over the page, it was soft and almost soothing. She didn’t seem to expect conversation, which was fine with him, it meant that he could sit and just enjoy being there, with her. 

−

Ben had agreed to sit for the painting the following day, Sundays were never very exciting for him as he’d usually end up working at home, anything to pass the time and fill the emptiness he felt. He was slightly earlier than he’d planned but he hadn’t been able to sleep, his mind full of nervous anticipation. He knocked the door, waiting patiently. 

“Just a minute,” Rey called as he tapped the door again.

The door flew open to reveal Rey dressed in a skimpy pyjama set, her hair tousled and her eyes heavy lidded from sleep. 

“Ben!”

“Sorry,” he stammered. “I’m a little early.”

“Who is it Rey?” a sleepy male voice called from the sofa. 

Ben looked and saw a face watching him from the sofa, dark, inquisitive eyes, a slight frown on across his brow. Ben’s heart instantly shrivelled up inside of him with disappointment, his stomach plummeted. He knew he had no chance with somebody like her but he knew that deep down a small part of him hoped. Hope that now made him feel like a fool. To think he had thought she had been flirting with him the other day.

“Come in come in,” she ushered him, a little flustered. 

“We can do this another day,” he replied, avoiding her eyes whilst also trying to avoid staring at her bare midriff and slender arms.

“No, no, it’s fine,” she tried to reassure him. “Finn here came over last night and we drank wine…you know how it is, we overslept slightly.”

Ben still stood there, wishing he was far away from here, somewhere he was oblivious to what Rey and this 'Finn' had been doing. 

“Please Ben, come in,” she urged again.

He paused, shifting a little on his feet before slowly entering the apartment. The guy she had called Finn got up from the sofa and shuffled over to him, wearing just shorts and a t-shirt holding out his hand. 

“Hi nice to meet you,” Ben took his hand, shaking it politely, feeling Finn’s eyes examining him. “Ben is it?

Ben nodded, feeling as though he were completely in the way. 

“Sit down,” said Finn. “I’ll make us some coffee.”

While Ben sat down, he didn’t see Finn lean over and whisper to Rey, his eyebrows raised in amusement. 

“I can see why you wanted to paint him,” he chuckled. 

Rey hit him playfully on the arm, her cheeks turning a deeper shade of pink. 

“Ben I’m going to go change, be out in a sec,” with that she dashed off.

Finn watched Ben as he made coffee in the kitchen, sat stiffly, his hands clenched in his lap. 

‘How is this guy a lawyer?’

“So, you’re friends with Rey?” he asked taking the steaming coffee pot from the machine. 

Ben turned in his seat.

“No, I’m just here to model for her,” he seemed to answer too quickly. “I barely know her.”

“Right, right,” Finn nodded as he poured the coffee. “Sugar?”

“No thanks, just cream please.”

Finn bought the coffee over to Ben, the mug hot and steaming. Ben took a sip, and let out a little satisfied sigh.

“Better than Rey’s, right?”

Ben laughed, nodding. 

“She’s good at a lot of things, making coffee is not one of them,” Finn sipped from his own mug, a smile on his open face, still watching Ben. 

“So, how did you guys meet?” he knew that his attempt at small talk would just add to his torture, but he didn’t want them to think he was a complete weirdo. 

“Ha-ha, drunken night out you know, then the rest was history as they say.”

Ben politely nodded, when in fact he did not know. He never went out; he never had a drunken night with anyone and this was what he was missing out on. Meeting someone like Rey, but now it was too late, for there was only one Rey and she was taken. 

His thoughts were interrupted when Rey burst back into the room, all smiles, long limbs and the scent of sweet vanilla and jasmine. Finn noted how Ben’s face transformed as she entered the room. His stiff, almost constipated expression melted away, his features softened and there was a definite longing and admiration in his eyes. Finn’s first suspicions were correct, this giant of a man was in love with Rey. It was written all over him. 

“Sorry about that Ben,” she apologised as she whirled past and started setting up her easel. 

“Honestly, it’s fine.”

Finn saw Ben’s eyes follow her around the apartment, he wanted to laugh at the puppy dog expression he saw there. He noticed Finn watching him and quickly looked away, his face flooding with colour. It was time to leave these crazy fools alone.

“Right Rey I’m off,” he announced. 

Rey ran over and flung herself at him, wrapping him in a hug. 

“Let me know how it goes,” she said quietly. 

“I will.”

Ben watched the close exchange, jealousy twisting his insides like a wrung-out cloth. 

“Don’t forget what I said,” she pecked Finn on the cheek as he left. 

Ben couldn’t believe that Finn hadn’t kissed her goodbye! What was wrong with him? If he had a girl like Rey, he would kiss her whenever he could, use every opportunity to show her what she meant to him. He gripped his mug angrily. 

When Finn had left, Rey went back to her easel, placing a large canvas upon it. The room felt awkwardly silent as he waited, completely unsure as to what came next. She grabbed a small table and started placing various paints, pots and brushes on it. Rey could feel him watching her, his gaze burning right through her. Did he not realise how intense his eyes were? There was something about him that drew her to him, though he wasn’t her usual type. She liked funny, outgoing, colourful creative men. From what she had seen of Ben, he was quiet, serious, never had fun in his sterile grey world. Yet she wanted to reach out, show him, show him what life could be with a bit more colour. She grabbed a stool and put it in the centre of the living area in front of her easel. 

“Right Ben sweetie, could you pop yourself on here for me please?” 

He jumped up and sat himself down on the stool, his legs firmly planted on the floor, his hands on his lap. Rey tried to push down the smile she felt bubbling up, he looked like a little lost boy on his first day at school. This was going to be harder than she thought. 

She walked over to him, hands on her hips as she observed him. He instantly looked worried. 

“Is…is this not okay?”

She smiled reassuringly.

“You’re just a little stiff that’s all, here.”

She then proceeded to grab his knees and prise his legs apart.

“Maybe prop one up on the bar,” she said before his brain could register what has happening. 

He did as she asked, then she went behind him, he held his breath having no idea what she was doing. Then to his surprise he felt her hands upon his shoulders, the warmth of them heating the skin beneath his t-shirt. He tensed all over, the scent of her flooding his senses, making him clench his fists on his lap, willing his dick to behave itself. She started massaging his shoulders, rubbing and pushing the muscles beneath her hand. 

“Oh Ben, your so knotted,” she commented. “Do you have a lot of stress at work?”

He let out a loud exhale as she pushed a tender spot.

“The normal amount, yes I guess.”

He knew that his job was stressful, but it was what he was good at it, he was what he knew. 

“Well, we need to loosen you up a little, that okay?”

He hummed consent as she continued to work his muscle, her hands surprisingly strong. 

“If you ever want a full massage, I’m fully qualified,” she added. “Earns some extra cash when I’m not selling paintings.”

“Have you sold many?” he asked, his eyes wandering around her apartment, the chaos, the colour all colliding to form a picture of her, whilst trying not to imagine her working his bare body.

“Here and there,” she mumbled. 

He sensed hesitation in her tone but he felt the need to know more, to understand her life. 

“Have you ever done an exhibition?”

He heard her sigh, felt its warmth on the back of his neck, her hands paused on his back.

“A couple of small ones in some Hipster cafes where I know the owners but the bigger galleries turn me away. Guess I don’t fit in with their image.”

He felt incensed on her behalf but knew that the East Village in Coruscant was brutal, nothing there was real and Rey was as real as they came.

He let out a groan as her hands moved lower, as though instinctively she knew where he ached. Rey on the other hand felt her whole body heat up at the feel of him beneath her hands, at the sound of his moans. She found herself craving the feel of his skin, an empty ache inside of her growing, demanding to be filled. She quickly backed away and walked back to be in front of him. He shifted uncomfortably on his perch, his long limbs trying to position themselves.

‘Great, now I’ve made it weird.’

Little did she know but Ben was trying to ‘readjust’ himself and desperately trying to appear unaffected by her touch. She moved as though to touch his arms again but hesitated, changing her mind, gesturing instead. 

“Just shake your arms out a little.”

He did as she asked, trying to settle into a more comfortable position as Rey walked back to her station. Standing there for a moment she looked at him, then back to the canvas, then back to him. She began to squeeze paint out on to her palette, which looked to Ben like a very battered, flat piece of wood, old paint stains covering it in mottled colours. She pulled a pencil from her dungaree pocket and quickly began sketching across the canvas. When she had finished a rough outline of what she wanted she went back in with the paint, mixing colours on her palette, her eyes switching from him to the canvas. Her brush strokes were quick and broad, filling the canvas with colour, bold and solid as she concentrated on his background. 

Ben found that the time passed quickly and though he began to ache a little and stiff from sitting in one position he said nothing. He said nothing because the opportunity to watch her become lost in her work was worth all of the discomfort. He found she would dip in and out of conversation at sporadic intervals, her intensity coming in waves. He began to discover her presence soothing, his dark depression and loneliness seemed less biting somehow, his mind seemed less dark. As he watched her though, there was something that he saw within her eyes, something that he recognised but couldn’t quite put a name to it. That bothered him. 

“I think we’ll stop there,” she announced placing her brush down, as she stood back examining the painting. “You must need to stretch sorry; I get carried away.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Liar,” she laughed. 

He shrugged and smiled, knowing he had been caught out. He stood and stretched his arm above his head, giving Rey a little glimpse of his taut belly, a small wisp of hair heading downwards. She gulped, feeling the heat pool between her legs. She busied herself cleaning her brushes with white spirit.

“May I see?” he asked slowly approaching. 

“No, no,” she shooed him away. “Not until it’s finished.”

She pushed him away from the easel, laughing, her hands gripping his arms, noting the feel of muscle under her fingers. He laughed back and then pretended to look sad and distraught. 

“I’ll try and bear it,” he sighed, his eyes flicking back up to hers, a small twinkle in them that hadn’t been there before. 

‘Is he flirting with me?’ a surge of hope rose within Rey, hope and something else. 

“So, when are you free next? I know your busy with work.”

Ben’s expression instantly shifted into the one she recognised, his full lips down turned, a crinkle across his brow and a shadow across his eyes. The mention of work had reminded Ben of his real life outside this colourful little bubble he had spent the last two days in. Work meant depositions, divorce cases, custody battles, company takeovers and doing Snoke’s bidding. Rey didn’t belong in that world. 

“Weekdays I’m usually back late from work, so will probably be next weekend if that’s okay?”

Rey did her best to not look too disappointed, she was good at that. 

“That’s fine,” she smiled. “How about I give you my number?”

‘Smooth Johnson, real smooth.’

“That way if you are free one of the evenings you can drop me a message,” she explained hastily.

“Yeh sure, I can do that,” he smiled tentatively.

With his smile, Rey felt her heart lift, there was a hint of that spark within him again. She went over to the drawer pulling out an envelope from an old gas bill, musing to herself that she really needed to sort that drawer out. She scribbled her number on the scrap piece of paper, after trying two pens that didn’t work, Ben just waited patiently. She passed him the paper which he folded and put straight into his jeans pocket. 

They both stood there, a little awkward, a little unsure.

“Well I’ll get out of your way,” Ben broke the silence and made for the door.

“You’re not in my way but sure,” she got to the door before him and opened it. 

He paused in the doorway, looking down at her, wishing he didn’t have to leave her company or her apartment that was so much more a home than his was. Rey felt him lingering and wished she had the nerve to ask him to stay, not for anything nefarious mind you, just dinner or a movie, just hang out. Her whole being ached to have the comforting presence of another, to hold her, just hold her tight. She had forgotten what that felt like. Though if he did try anything nefarious, she wouldn’t exactly mind. 

‘Get your mind out of the gutter Johnson, you’re not his type’ she tried to remind herself.

Yet she really wished that she was, as his soulful eyes crinkled as he smiled, his dark black hair flopping over his forehead in a way that made he want to kiss him there and then. It was this that probably made her suddenly grab him in a hug. He stiffened as her arms wrapped around him, as far as they could reach, her head suddenly under is chin, her warmth and scent wrapping around him like a sensual veil. She lingered slightly longer than she had intended, the feel of him and smell of him, all spice, musk and fresh cotton was intoxicating. His muscles began to relax and he found himself thinking how right that this felt, and wandering how long it had been since he had been hugged. 

“Thank you for today Ben,” she said as she managed to step back from him, removing her arms, avoiding his eye contact.

Ben tried to ignore the emptiness that rushed through him as she pulled away.

“Erm, you’re welcome. I’ll see you next week.”

With that he was gone and Rey stood staring at the empty doorway that had just been filled by his broad frame. Slowly closing the door, she leant back against it, taking a deep breath. She should not have hugged him, but that’s what she did, she was a hugger. Hugging him though had opened her craving up for him to a whole other level, not just sexually but mentally, emotionally. She wanted more, she didn’t just want to bring colour to his life, she wanted to bring it to her own. Yes, she painted pieces full of life and emotion, colour and warmth, love and sensuality, but that was because she had none of her own. She had friends yes, but there was still a deep longing and emptiness within her, that had always been there and for those brief moments with Ben, it had gone away.


	4. Crimson Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get ever closer, the attraction between them intense. Rey has another proposition for Ben, but will the straight laced lawyer accept?

Ben sat for Rey twice more on the following weekend after spending the entire week looking forward to the sessions. It felt as though he would never get there, the work week long and tedious, more so than normal. Had work always been this joyless and lacking? He knew that it had, but now that Rey was in his life, even in a small way, the contrast between the two seemed immense. On more than one occasion he lost his temper with Hux and several paralegals that week, all of them seemingly testing his patience. When Friday night hit, he raced home, Snoke’s words about him lacking focus that week echoed around his head, but he pushed them aside.

Both of their sessions had been quiet and peaceful, with Rey concentrating on her work, Ben just enjoying being in her presence. He already loved how her forehead wrinkled when she concentrated, biting her lip with determination. He loved how her eyes lit up with her smile when she looked back at the canvas, appraising her work. She seemed to alternate between joyous and overly critical of her work, her face a dance of emotions. Each time he had wanted to ask her about Finn, just how serious was it with him? Each time he got the words ready on the tip of his tongue, he would immediately back out, his palms sweating. He would hate her to think that he was creeping on her, that was the only reason he was here so he tried to forget it, focus on the time he did have with her. He did not realise that he was staring at her, lost in his morose musings, when she put down her brush down with a clatter and an excited clap. 

"I've finished!" she announced.

Ben looked up, his eyes locking with Rey's. He felt a flutter within his chest as she looked at him with that smile, her eyes bright, the hazel almost fracturing into gold and amber. 

"Can I see?" he stood up from the stool, knocking it over in his clumsy eagerness.

He blushed furiously, awkwardly trying to right the seat back onto its feet. 

"Sorry, sorry," he muttered.

She just laughed and pulled him over to the canvas. He stood before it, his hands awkwardly in his trouser pockets as he finally saw Rey's work. She watched him nervously, her stomach fluttering with anticipation, which was strange, she had never got nervous when showing her work to the subject. Yet somehow, Ben was different. 

He had stood there for a few minutes, not saying anything, just looking, studying. She looked up at him, biting her nails, not able to read his expression. 

"Rey...it's..."

He wasn't sure what to say, for once he was lost in his own reflection, one of paint, colour and canvas. She had captured his likeness, not only in looks but he recognised in his own eyes those feelings that he thought he had hidden and buried deep behind a professional, stoic demeanour. He had thought that it had worked, that his guise had been successful, until now. 

"You don't like it?" her expression became anxious. 

Her face shot from his face to the painting and back to his face. 

"It's amazing," he whispered. "It's me."

She let out a light, musical laugh, her voice breathy and soft.

"Well, that's the idea."

He didn't smile, just shifted his gaze from the painting to her, the air charged and heavy between them. 

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me, I should be thanking you," she smiled, hitting him playfully on the arm, her hand lingering there for just a second.

It hit Ben then, that now the painting was finished, his time with Rey was over, unless he...no he couldn't. Crushing disappointment swept through him, knowing he had to say goodbye. It's not as though she would want to spend anymore time with him, not when he was so him and she was so her. This last couple weeks had been a dream, sweet and temporary, but temporary none the less. 

Rey had a sinking feeling right in the pit of her gut now that the initial excitement of finishing the portrait had fled, because now she had no reason for Ben to come here. She had taken longer with this painting than she would have normally, stretching out the moments she had with him. Finn's words had echoed in her head. _Just jump him Rey, he won't say no._ She wished she had his confidence and bravado and on the odd occasion she imagined herself taking control but chickened out. 

"Well...I best get going and leave you to it," he said, not wanting to overstay his welcome. 

"I need your help," she blurted out, not wanting him to leave yet, to the point where she felt panicked. 

He look surprised.

"Sure, of course, what do you need?"

Her mind raced as she desperately thought of a reason to keep their time together going for longer. She would however, never know what made her say what she said next. 

"I need a nude model!" she exclaimed. 

Ben's eyes widened and his fair face turned a deep shade of crimson, completely thrown by the nature of the request. 

"What?" 

Rey's heart sank, immediately embarrassed by her own request. 

"I'm sorry, forget it...I can find someone else..."

His expression was a mixture of bemusement and what looked like shyness, it was actually quite endearing. 

"I...erm...just wasn't expecting that...I mean..."

"Honestly Ben it's fine, I shouldn't have asked you."

"If you're stuck...I guess I could?"

Rey's eyes widened and she was pretty sure her heart rate had begun beating at an alarming rate. She still could not believe that she had asked him that, her mouth had run away with her. It wasn't a lie, she did need some more nude models for a series she was producing, but she wouldn't have dreamt of asking Ben.

"You would?"

"For you yes," his words were quiet, and for a second she imagined that she heard a heavy meaning behind them.

"We could start now if you're not too busy?" she asked quickly, blustering through the loaded atmosphere. "After some lunch?"

"Sure."

"Don't want my model passing out," she laughed. 

As she prepared them lunch of soup and fresh bread, filling the apartment with a warm comforting scent, Ben began to wonder what the hell he had agreed to. 

They chatted easily as they ate, surprisingly easy Ben thought. Rey luxuriated in the oddly domestic feeling of the two of them eating together. The soup was tasty with a kick of spices, Ben wolfed it down eagerly.

"This is delicious," he commented as he scraped the last bit out of his bowl with his spoon. 

"Thanks."

"You made it?"

Rey laughed at his expression.

"Yes, my soup is better than my coffee," she winked. 

Ben immediately stammered.

"I didn't mean anything...I wasn't saying..."

"Relax, I know my limits."

She shot him a reassuring grin before clearing away the plates. As she tidied the table, Ben suddenly felt very nervous and he again questioned his sanity for agreeing to this. 

His stomach flipped over as she began to prep a fresh canvas, laying out the pencils and brushed that she needed for this piece. She hoped that she couldn't see her hands shaking, which was ridiculous, she never got nervous about a model. _But this is Ben._

Ben stood, shifting from one foot to the other, wondering how he went about this. 

"Do you want me to just...?" he reddened, suddenly feeling hot. 

Rey looked up from what she had been doing, almost as though she had forgotten that Ben was there. 

"Oh sorry, you can undress in the bathroom, there should be a robe in there too."

Ben walked to the bathroom, feeling as though he were headed to his own execution. At this point an execution would be preferable, less painful. It's not that he was particularly body shy, but this was Rey, Rey that he had been unable to get out of his head for so long, Rey that visited his dreams every single night. He removed his clothes, folding them into a neat pile on the toilet seat, wondering whether he should have denied himself the bread at lunch, hoping that he didn't look too puffy. With a sigh he looked for the robe, and with horror realised that the only one he could see was a bright purple floral silky number. Surely she hadn't meant that one, yet it was the only one in there, he had no other option unless he wanted to go out there fully cocked. Reluctantly he slid his arms into the soft fabric, too tight for his arms. He closed the garment, tying it with the belt, wondering just how he ridiculous he looked. He glanced into the mirror hung on the tiled wall and grimaced. _Very ridiculous._ The garment although too small for his frame, was soft and silky against his skin, much how he imagined Rey's skin to be. An image of her in the robe filled his imagination, her in the robe and nothing else, in fact he could smell her on the fabric, floral and spiced, fresh and heated. He instantly hardened, his senses filling with her. 

It did not help things when he walked into the studio and was met with Rey's hysterical laughter. He shifted uncomfortably, wishing that the ground would swallow him whole, robe and all.

"I'm sorry Ben, it's just I was NOT expecting to see that," she chuckled, her hands over her mouth.

He looked down at his robed body, the garment too short, with the sleeves half way up his arms, with a self deprecating grin. 

"I thought that the other robe was in there, I must have put it in the laundry," she carried on. 

He looked so comical, yet he still somehow managed to look manly and large. She felt the familiar rush of arousal as she examined him discreetly from behind her canvas. 

"Where did you want me?" he asked, clearing his throat. 

"How about the couch?" she asked, hoping her voice came across as casual as she wanted it to.

Ben nodded, turning to face the couch, his back to Rey. He guessed he may as well get it over with as soon as possible, so bit the bullet and pushed the robe from his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Rey's mouth opened as she peered from behind her canvas at his naked form, from his broad, muscled back and shoulders to his slim hips and firm rounded buttocks. She instantly thought of a classical sculpture, a hero from some long forgotten myth that would grace the halls of a museum. As he turned to face her, she busied herself with the paints on the table, her cheeks growing hotter and hotter. She cast her eyes surreptitiously upwards to view him as he awkwardly decided where to sit. His chest was broad and sculpted, smooth and pale with his taut abs leading down, down to...Rey gulped. He was very much in proportion, Rey's throat suddenly felt dry. _Come on Rey, stay professional._ She was not sure how though, for wasn't it unethical to paint him like this when he had this effect on her? She ignored those thoughts and tried to focus on the task at hand, though this task in particular made her feel heated to the core.

Ben sat down on the chair, the fabric soft against his bare skin. He felt Rey's eyes upon him, his skin burning under her gaze, aware of every inch of him. He briefly met her eyes and for a split second it seemed as though she were appraising him. Her cheeks seemed pinker than usual making him hope that he was the reason for her flushed expression. He knew it was wishful thinking, she was a professional artist and had painted many bodies before, his was no different. 

"Try lying back for me Ben," she stated, her voice husky and velvet like. "Relax if you can."

Lying completely naked in front of girl he was crazy about but couldn't tell, was not something that would ensure his relaxation. However, he had said he would help her, so help her he would. He lay back against the soft cushions, avoiding her gaze, focusing upon his breathing, deep and slow. 

"Any particular position?" he winced at the double meaning, trying to keep his mind away from such thoughts, for he would not be able to hide his reaction in this state.

"Whatever you're comfortable with."

He shifted slightly, draping one arm across the back of the couch, the other loosely at his side. His one leg he hitched on to the cushions at a slight angle, his other leg he hung over the side. To Rey, he looked like a Prince from a fairy tale or myth, awakening from some long slumber. She paused for a moment, drinking him in, all of him as he lounged across her sofa, vulnerable and exposed yet strong and powerful. 

"Is this okay?"

"Perfect."

He seemed to relax a little at her words, sinking further into the cushions. 

Rey wasted no time and began to work, constructing Ben's flesh from colours, mixed and swirled, creating his multifaceted hues and shadows. The sound of her brush gliding across the wide canvas coaxed him into a calmed state, soothing him. Her brush caressed Ben's skin upon the canvas, lingering over his long, lean muscles as though with her fingers. His chest rose and fell slowly and steadily, his eyes grew heavy, the week catching up with him until it overtook him and he fell into a sleep. Rey did not wake him, and carried on painting while he slept, noting how his long black lashed fluttered, his raven hair falling down across his face. He was beauty personified, spurring Rey on to capture his image as she saw it. Unlike his portrait, which had been grey and beige, overshadowed by blue, this was something else entirely, Ben, all of him that she suspected that he hid away. She poured her anger, loneliness and self doubt into her paintings, letting her emotions bleed into the colours. Ben didn't have that and she wanted to give him what she could, wanted him to see what he missed, make him let go. 

She worked for a couple hours in silence, not wanting to wake him, he'd seemed so exhausted and looked so peaceful. When she had finished for the day she crept over to him, pulling a throw off a nearby chair and draped it gently over him, trying to avert her gaze from his many 'attributes'. He let out a little sigh, nestling his face against the chair cushions. Rey felt an overwhelming surge of affection and carefully brushed his hair from his face. She quickly withdrew her had when his eyes fluttered open, his chocolate hued eyes looking up at her. A ghost of a smile played upon his lips.

"Hey," she whispered.

Ben shot up, a look of bewilderment and befuddlement across his expression. He ran his fingers through his waved hair before rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"You fell asleep, I didn't want to wake you."

Ben felt as though he should feel more uncomfortable with the fact that he had been lying unconscious, completely exposed with Rey, but he didn't. Suddenly worrying that he had overstayed his welcome he scrambled to his feet, gathering the blanket around him. 

"I need to get going," he mumbled, avoiding his eyes. 

"Oh...sure..."

He disappeared into the bathroom, affording Rey a glimpse of muscular calves and back. She sighed as that deep feeling of need throbbed through her. 

"Fuck."

* * *

It seemed like the longest week of Ben's life, especially as Snoke had really been laying into him, pushing more and more work his way. On the one occasion Ben had queried the workload, Snoke had questioned his loyalty to the company and more or less hinted that the position of Partner would go to Hux not him, despite all the sacrifices he had given. Ben was fuming when he got home on Wednesday evening, nearing midnight yet again, exhausted and frustrated. How dare Snoke question him like that after all he had done for him and the company, after everything he had given up. He slammed the door shut behind him, throwing his briefcase to the floor, not caring about how late the hour was. He wanted to hit something, scream, shout, he didn't know what. He threw his suit jacket across the table, not caring about the potential crinkles as he he would normally, tearing his tie from his neck, it felt like a noose, choking him. He stormed across his apartment, banging cupboards, his whole body a live wire of rage and tension. Pouring himself a whiskey he downed it in one before pouring another. He rarely drank but tonight called for it. He slammed his glass on the counter after the third shot, taking a breath, when his phone beeped on the side. _If this is Snoke I swear...._ He looked up in surprise when he saw who it was, his eyes automatically looking out the window to the apartment across the way. 

**R: Bad day?**

**B: How did you know?**

**R: I saw you whirling across your apartment like a tornado, plus the large quantities of whiskey you've just poured down your neck.**

**B: Busted**

**R: Wanna talk about it?**

Ben was surprised at this turn of events, for she had never contacted him before like this, yet he noted how immediately his blood pressure seemed to be dropping back to normal. He saw her in the studio, lit by soft, golden lamplight, dressed in sweatpants and a tee, sitting on the arm of the sofa as she looked over in his direction. His apartment suddenly felt cold and bare.

**B: Just work. Wondering if I've wasted my whole life there.**

**R: :-(**

**B: It's ok, just feeling sorry for myself. My boss was laying into me pretty hard today**

**R: After all the hours u put in??**

**B: yep**

**R: wanker**

**B: lol**

**R: Want me to go kick his arse?**

**B: Tempting lol. I'll be ok.**

**R: u shud pull a sickie tomorrow ;-)**

**B: wish that I could. would just make things worse.**

Rey across the way looked up from her phone screen to where she could see the tall, broad frame of Ben in his kitchen. His shirt collar was open, exposing a wide, muscular neck that did something to Rey. Drawing him wasn't enough, she wanted to, no needed to touch him, feel him. If she had not already consumed a whole bottle of red wine, maybe she would have thought twice about the texts that she began to send.

**R: U need to relax Ben, unwind. Live your life at bit more**

**B: Yeh maybe :-/**

She really, really should have thought about what she said.

**R: Do you want me to help you?**

**B: Help me?**

Last chance Rey.

**R: Yeh, help you relax Ben. You've helped me, now its my turn**

Ben felt puzzled, still not sure to what she meant. Did she not realise that just talking to her relaxed him. The whiskey however guided his fingers into a reply. 

**B: What did you have in mind?**

**R:Well I've seen you naked...**

Ben's brain went into overdrive, for she surely couldn't mean what it sounded like she was? His heart hammered in his chest at the implications of her words.

**B: ??**

**R: It seems only fair to return the favour...**

All of the blood in Ben's body shot to his crotch, his groin tightening, hard and hot. He took another swig of his whiskey, before looking over at Rey who had now stood.

**B: You don't have to do that**

**R: What if I want to?**

Ben gulped, knowing that he should draw a line under this conversation, yet he didn't. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was years of loneliness, or just plain desire he felt for Rey. He text a reply.

**B: Well I wouldn't want to stop you doing what you want**

As he hit send, he immediately held his breath and looked over to her. He saw her reading her phones screen, a smirk play across her lips. He waited for the reply but none came. He bit his lip, wondering if he had made a huge mistake when he movement across the way caught his eye. Rey looked over at him, before slowly lifting her t-shirt up over head, revealing a flash of bright pink lace, covering her petite, firm mounds. His eyes were instantly drawn to the rosy nipples peaking through the lace and down to the tight toned skin of her stomach. His arousal hardened further as she slowly unbuttoned her jeans before pushing them down her lithe, athletic legs, stepping out of them. Bright pink lace matching knickers hugged her making Ben briefly wonder if she had planned this. His gaze was interrupted when his phone beeped again.

**R: Feeling more relaxed yet?**

**B: Not quite**

**R: Why don't you get comfy...sit down**

Ben raised his brow before moving himself to his study, still overlooking Rey's apartment. He sat down in his office chair before looking back to his phone. She smiled again, putting her phone down on the sofa. Ben's whole body was rigid and tense, watching, waiting. 

She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, letting the delicate lace fall to the floor. Ben's lips parted, his gaze fixed on her, his skin felt as though it were on fire. Rey let her hands run lightly over breasts before palming her nipples. Ben gripped the chair's arms as her hands glided down her trim waist to her knickers before pushing them down to her ankles and stepping out of them. She was now completely bare before him, bare and exposed. Rey's head felt heady and intoxicated with his gaze upon her, dark and intense in the shadows of his office. 

**R: Relaxed yet?**

**B: no....**

**R: :-( I'm not doing a very good job am I?**

She slowly turned, giving Ben a view of a pert, peachy derriere that Ben could imagine stroking and kneading, pliant under his hands. She sat upon the sofa facing Ben, leaning back with her legs parted. Ben's erection was painfully hard beneath his trousers, making him palm himself, trying to ease some of the tension. 

**R: Do you want to touch yourself Ben?**

He paused in his reply for a moment, but the image of her splayed before him urged him on.

**B: Yes**

**R: Go on then, touch yourself**

**it will help you relax**

Ben's hands shook as they hovered over the fastening to his trousers, part of his mind warning him, telling him to stop. The other part of him told him to do it, why should he deny himself once again? He pulled the zip down, his hands shaking as he freed himself. 

**R: Do you want to watch me touch myself?**

He had already begun to stroke himself as he typed a reply with his free hand. 

**B: yes**

Rey spurred on by his reply and the aching loneliness she had felt all week, lust and alcohol flowing through her veins, she slid her hands down between her legs. Her fingers glided through her wet folds, rubbing and stroking, increasing the intensity as she dipped her fingers inside of herself. She lay back, her eyes closed as she imagined that it was Ben doing this to her, Ben touching her his fingers, his hands, his mouth. 

Ben gripped himself, stroking and pulling, a bead of moisture gathering at the swollen tip. Rey open and exposed to him, pleasuring herself, knowing that he looked on drove him crazy. He wished he was next to her, plunging his hard cock into her pink and glistening cunt open to him. His strokes grew harder and faster, his eyes never leaving Rey as writhed and squirmed under her own ministrations, gasping and panting, he was close, so close. His breathing came in ragged gasps, he imagined that their breathing was in sync.

Rey's strokes grew frantic as she felt her orgasm teasing her, just within reach. She opened her eyes and looked at Ben's window, his eyes on her as he fist pumped up and down in the darkness. It tipped her over the edge, her whole body spasmed and jerked as she cried out, the tingling and vibrations in her abdomen and core pushed outwards into her whole body, claiming her. 

As Rey came before him, Ben's own pleasure took over, intense and heated starting within his abdomen and spilling outwards. He came into his hands with a groan, liquid heat running over his fingers. Rey was sprawled on the sofa, looking spent and dishevelled. She shakily reached for her phone as Ben cleaned himself up, grabbing the tissues nearby.

**R: Any better?**

Better was an understatement. How about sated, scared, delirious, worried, in awe all at once? Instead he just typed one word. 

**B: Yes**

**R: :-)**

**B: Thank you Rey**

**R: Goodnight Ben x**

**B: Goodnight Rey**

She got up from the sofa and walked over to the lamp, turning it off and plunging her apartment into darkness. He could now no longer see her, just a vague shadow moving around the apartment. He leant his head back on to the chair, exhaling shakily. He immediately wanted to go over there and check that she was okay, but her texts had been pretty dismissive. What if for one moment of pleasure he had ruined any chance he had with her. For fucks sake she had a boyfriend, or was at least involved with someone. What had he done?


	5. Kaleidoscope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey both deal with the awkwardness of their actions 'that night'.  
> Ben begins to see a vulnerability to Rey but is swept away in her passionate touch.

Rey's eyes opened with a slow flicker, accompanied by a groan. Her head felt somewhat unstable and her throat was as dry as a nun's gusset. The events of the previous night swamped her, making her sit up with a panicked yelp. She immediately fell back on the pillow as the pain in her head throbbed wildly. What had she been thinking? Wine was not her friend, wine caused problems. She knew she shouldn't have drunk that much if at all, but her mood had plummeted lately, her loneliness gnawing away at her eating a little bit more of her inside. Days like that were black and grey, drained of all colour and shade. She's message Finn but he'd been enjoying a makeup meal with Poe, Rose had been busy caring for her sick mother, and there had been nobody else. He'd walked in across the street, all brooding and angry and immediately she'd felt an urge to make contact, push the boundaries of their connection. 

She flushed at the memory of what they'd done, what they'd shared. Shame flooded her, shame and doubt. Though it had been most likely the most erotic moment of her life, and she'd taken her pleasure from it, she knew that Ben would not view her in the same way again. Had she tainted their friendship? Would Ben think that she were free and easy with her sexual favours, opening up to all of her models. It wasn't her, never had been. What if that is the person he wanted, some free, bohemian idea of her, not the reality. How could he know that she rarely let people touch her? How could he know that she'd not let a man near her for a long time? How could she tell him, that when she were around him, her whole body was alight with need and want that felt unfamiliar to her? She groaned quietly to herself and pulled the duvet up over her head, burying herself in wine and mascara stained cotton. 

* * *

Ben lay in bed staring up at the blank, white ceiling. He kept replaying the previous night in his head, over and over, berating and scolding himself. He had monumentally fucked up. He could blame the whiskey, blame the day from hell at work, maybe even blame Rey. He knew though, that they were all excuses, he only had himself to blame. He filled with remorseful guilt as he remembered the friendly face of her boyfriend Finn. He groaned inwardly, did this make him the 'other man'? Yet, Rey had gone along with it, initiated it. He didn't know what to think, his feelings conflicted and waging war on each other. This is not how he'd wanted things to go with Rey; he'd wanted to get to know her, show her how special she was, even if it could only have been as a friend, That opportunity was gone now. Now she'd think that he just viewed her as some cheap hook up, not the woman that he was falling...No. he knew he had to clean up the mess he's made because he'd had a moment of weakness.

With a sigh he reached over to the bedside table, picking up his phone. He opened up a fresh message to Rey, his finger hovering as he racked his brain for the right words. He stared at the screen, willing the words to come...they didn't. 

**B: Morning Rey, I hope that you slept well**

He frowned, hoping that his words didn't sound condescending. 

**B: I just wanted to apologise for last night. I'd had a lot to drink, it wasn't something I would normally do. I'm hoping we can carry on as before?**

He paused for a second before he hit send, his breath held. 

Barely a minute later, his phone vibrated in his hand as a reply came through.

**R: Yes sure, no probs**

Ben read the message again and again. He should have felt relief, yet a low, dull ache radiated out from the pit of his stomach. Disappointment?

**B:Still need me to sit for you this weekend?**

Again a brief pause before a reply shot back.

**R: Yeh sure, normal time. See u then**

She seemed fine, maybe he had made the right call as much as it broke his heart. If he could have seen Rey right at that moment , he would not have been so sure. Rey, buried in her duvet, was crying like she hadn't cried for a long time. 

* * *

Rey was fuming though mostly at herself rather than at Ben. How could she have been so stupid? Imagine thinking that someone like him would be interested in her beyond what had happened the other night. He would be arriving any minute and she was no where near composed enough to face him. Her nerves were pulled tight, ready to snap at the smallest incident, ' _I should have cancelled, I should have cancelled.'_ A short, sharp rap on the door interrupted her thoughts. _'Too late.'_

With a long drawn out sigh, she walked over to the door, took a deep, steadying breath and opened it. She quickly pasted on her go to smile she had for people, masking her emotions. 

"Hey Ben, right on time as usual."

He entered, shutting the door behind him. She had already moved to the kitchen as though to out as much distance between them as possible. 

"Coffee?"

"Yes please."

He stood in the middle of the room, shoulders slumped, his hands in his pockets. Her back turned to him, she bit her lip, wishing that her palms were not so sweaty. She felt incredibly aware of him, as though he filled her apartment, his form, his scent, his awkwardness. 

"Rey?"

"Hmmm?" she didn't turn round, merely pretending to focus on making the drinks in front of her. 

"I...I just wanted to check that you were okay, that everything was okay, you know...after...the other night?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Maybe he had got this wrong.

"I wasn't sure, especially with you having a boyfriend."

The teaspoon she had been gripping in her hand fell with a clatter. She spun round, visibly confused. 

"Boyfriend?"

Now it was Ben's turn to feel confused. 

"Finn?"

Rey frowned and almost glared at him.

"Finn's not my boyfriend," she stated. 

"Oh..the other day when he's stayed the night..."

He began to feel as though the assumptions he had jumped to had been wildly wrong. 

"He's my friend," she rolled her eyes. "He'd fell out with his boyfriend and needed a place to crash."

"Oh."

Ben at once felt hopeful and foolish, his face reddening at her incredulous stare. 

"So you though that I was the kind of person that would do something like that when I'm already with someone?"

Her arms were crossed and her tone was most definitely angry. _Abort, abort..._

"No, I mean yes...I mean," he stuttered and stammered. "You're free to do what you want with who you want, it just wouldn't be something I'd be comfortable with."

"Not what you said the other night," she jabbed.

His eyes fell and his body slumped. 

"I know," his voice had lowered, his expression almost pained. "I felt terrible after."

Rey didn't reply, her arms still folded across her chest as the frown across her forehead deepened. Her emotions were jumbled and chaotic, as though someone had poured all over her paints on to one canvas, mingling in the fog that was her mind of late. Why should she care what he thought? 

"Do you want me to go?" he asked, breaking the heavy silence. 

Maybe it would have been easier if he did, but she shook her head. 

"No, we have a painting to finish."

Paint, the one thing she knew, the one thing she was sure of. 

"If you're sure?" his voice was laced with the doubt that he felt.

She had already moved to the canvas and had begun pottering with her brushes and pigments, avoiding his eyes. 

"Ok."

He went to the bathroom to undress once more, noting that only the purple robe was available. As he pulled it on, he smelt Rey on his fabric, her warm, heady scent that was all her. Blood pooled in his groin as he pushed his face into the fabric, picturing how she had looked the other night. _No, no, no, this is not helping._ After quickly composing himself, he left the bathroom. Rey glanced at him but did not laugh this time. The air was thick was between them, almost tangible, neither speaking. Ben took a deep breath before derobing. As the garment fell crumpled to the floor, he felt even more naked and exposed than last time. She still said nothing as he positioned himself on the sofa, trying to remember exactly how he's sat last time. 

She stood before the canvas, her brush and palette in her hand. When she had met Ben, she had experienced an inexplicable need to bring some colour into his joyless life. Yet somewhere along the way, his colours had mingled into hers, merging and mixing into a kaleidoscope of colour, a cacophony of shades. It was somehow too much and not enough, she hadn't planned for this, to let Ben in where no else saw. It was too much too soon. Though her brush was poised, her eyes had become blurred with tears. _Not now._ Willing the tears back in did not seem to be working so she hastily wiped her hand across the damp skin. 

Ben saw the gesture and concern replaced any other emotion that he had been feeling. He shot to his feet and rushed to her side without hesitation, not for once stopping to think about his nakedness. 

"Rey?"

He tentatively placed a hand upon her shoulder, waiting to gauge her reaction. When she leant into his hand with a sniffle he gently wrapped his arm around her. She seemed to melt into him, savouring the warm, solid contact. Pulling her into a soft embrace, she could almost believe that everyone would be okay. 

"What's wrong Rey?"

"Everything and nothing," she whispered, her voice cracking. 

As he held her, he marvelled at how right this felt, so normal and fantastic all at once. 

"Ben...?"

"You're naked," she let out a little laugh, though she didn't pull away.

Ben however, did pull away. 

"I'm so sorry," he stammered, running his hand sheepishly through his hair. "I wasn't thinking."

Rey smiled at him, a smile that held both amusement and sadness. As Ben had momentarily held her, she felt alive, all of her colours dancing, alive, the black shadows that swamped her momentarily pierced by colourful light. An almost electrical current sparked between them, both feeling as though they had fallen into a cloud. What she had dreamt of was just in reach, she just had to reach out and touch it. 

Ben stood still despite his naked state, eyes fixed on her, trying to read her. She stepped forward, closing the gap once more between them and placed her hand upon his chest. She could feel his heart thudding beneath the muscle, its beat matching her own. His breath hitched as his pupils dilated. The way she looked at him with a hunger, a need, did something to him, twisting his insides until he couldn't think straight. His length hardened as she brushed a thumb over a stiffening nipple. 

"Rey," he managed to choke out as he hand slid south and took hold of him, wrapping her fingers around his hot girth. 

She let her eyes drift upwards to his, dark and intense.

"I don't want to think Ben," she spoke softly, her hand stroking him, up and down the velvet length. "Can you block it all out?"

"What?"

"Everything."

He sensed the urgency in her voice. He answered her by leaning his head down and taking her lips in his own. Their faces clashed awkwardly, noses bumping as they grasped each other, finding their rhythm. 

The kiss deepened as Rey thrust her tongue into his mouth, soft and pliant, hungry for him. As she pushed against his body, feeling his hard, hot erection, he slid his hands around her to grasp her by the buttocks, pulling her even closer. He groaned as she rubbed against him, trying to chase away the ache she felt. Her fingers tangled up in his hair , gripping and pulling. He had never wanted anything more in his grey world right now than to please her, love her even. She placed both hands on his chest and pushed him backwards to the sofa, their mouths not parting. The back of his legs hit the sofa and he collapsed down.

Rey took the opportunity to unhook her dungarees before pushing them down. Ben sat mesmerised as he watched her, stroking his rock hard cock as he did so. She stepped out of the denim garment, her long, lithe legs seemingly endless. As she pulled the tight, white crop top up over her head, he watched greedily as he torso stretched out before him. She flung the top aside, leaving her pert, creamy breasts exposed, the rosy buds stiffening under his gaze. Leanig forward, her grasped her by the hips, his hands almost spanning her waist, her pink covered mound level with his face. He could smell her arousal though the light, pink cotton, she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

His hands still holding her tight, he looked up, their eyes meeting as she gently stroked his hair back. She saw the question in his eyes and nodded. He instantly pushed his face against her covered core, rubbing and inhaling her unique scent. She let out a breathy sigh as he teased her before hooking his fingers into the pink waistband and pulling it downwards. She groaned and gripped his hair tighter as his tongue found her flesh. He licked and sucked until her pants grew more desperate, teasing her delicate flesh. She throbbed and ached, needing more, needing something that she couldn't define. 

His tongue and mouth danced across her flesh like her brush danced across the canvas, there was more than one kind of artist. Her whole body tightened, like a coil about to spring as her pants became moans. He moved a hand slowly up her inner thigh, never letting up with his mouth as he pushed her legs further apart with his thigh. Slowly his hand reached higher until he gently pushed a finger into her dripping cunt. As his finger entered her she could feel herself beginning to come undone. He began to pump her before adding another finger, both of them coated in her glistening juices, revelling in the feel of her liquid silk. Tendrils of scarlet fire starting in her core began to spread outwards, consuming her whole body as her orgasm took her. Her vision seemed to break apart into a cloud of crimson and pink as she shuddered and cried out. 

Ben slowly licked her centre again as she shuddered once more before pitching forwards into his arms that were ready to catch her. Gasping for breath, she leant her head upon his shoulder. He held her while she centred herself and got her breath back though his erection was almost painful after watching her shatter on his mouth and fingers. She didn't say anything but pushed herself up and kissed him, tasting herself in his tongue.

"Ben, I'm clean and on birth control," she whispered into his ear as she bit his lobe playfully. 

"Me too," he replied. "I mean..."

He never finished what he had been about to say as with one swift movement, she had impaled herself to the hilt on him. They both cried out at the exquisite torture of the action and the sensations it created. He felt as though he were already seconds from coming, filling her with everything he had. He wanted her pink, glistening cunt dripping with his come. 

After pausing for barely a second, Rey began to ride him , sliding up and down his throbbing shaft. She gripped his shoulders for leverage, digging her fingertips into his skin. He gripped her hips tight, pulling her down on to him, matching her rhythm. She rode him hard, her eyes closed, lips parted and head tilted back as she slammed herself on to him over and over. He did not last long and when he came his climax ripped through him. His guttural moan echoed through her as he buried his face between her breasts, shuddering once more. 

She held him and gently stroked his head, feeling him begin to calm and soften beneath her thighs. She didn't want this over, not yet. Climbing carefully off him, his essence slipped down her inner thighs, marking her. Grabbing a box of tissues, she cleaned herself off, avoiding his questioning gaze. He began to worry once more, unsure as to how to proceed and what to say now he could form coherent sentences once more. When she had finished she turned to him, her expression a curious mix, abstracted, once he couldn't work out. She held her hand which he immediately took, pulling him to his feet and to her once more. 

"We..."

She stopped him, gently placing a finger across his full, soft lips. Now was not the time for talking, that could wait. Right now she wanted to explore and feel, giving in to him though her heart raged. He followed her silently to the bed.


	6. Colourless Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being something different to what I had planned, I think because of how I've been feeling lately.

Lavender grey shadows moved across the ceiling as yellow and amber rays of light chased them. Dawn had arrived, creeping up from the horizon, its golden rays spreading softly. Ben’s sleepy gaze followed them across the ceiling before turning over, his arm wrapped around Rey’s sleeping form. She shifted in his arms; her face pressed against him. Ben had not slept, instead wanting to not waste a second of being with her, watching her. He relished in the feeling of her breathing, heavy and deep, the rise and fall of her chest next to time. 

He was in awe, not just of the night they had shared, but of how rested he felt despite no sleep. He felt a strange feeling that had taken him all night to name, belonging. Despite spending the whole night together, they had not really spoken and he still did not know where he stood with her. He let out a deep relaxed sigh, pulling her even closer to him. 

Rey murmured softly, her lips parting. He gently stroked his thumb across her lips, warm and soft. At his touch, her eyelids fluttered open. For a moment she looked puzzled, then concerned until recognition took over. He felt her relax.

“Hey,” he whispered, smiling. 

“Hey,” she replied somewhat tentatively. 

“Did you sleep okay?”

“Yes thanks,” she began to pull away. 

He tried to keep her next to him but she persisted and sat up, pulling the blanket up around her. Looking up at her he gently stroked her bare arm. 

“There’s no rush is there?” he purred.

She flushed at his warm, seductive voice.

Rey felt that familiar panic rise up within her; she’d let this go too far.

Keeping her back to him, her hands gripped the blankets as she sat on the edge of the bed. 

“I need to get dressed,” she said.

“Don’t let me stop you,” he replied playfully. 

Rey stiffened.

“Ben…I need you to leave.”

“Eh sure, I can get out of your way if you’re busy,” he sat up sleepily, looking around the room for his clothes. 

“No,” she hesitated. “I need you to go Ben, this was a mistake.”

He froze.

“What?”

She still wouldn’t look at him.

“Please, just go.”

Ben felt a range of emotions rip through him, anger, confusion, frustration.

“I don’t understand…”

He reached across to hold her arm but she snatched it away before leaping from the bed. She went to the dresser, pulling out a pair of sweats and a tee, quickly pulling them on to hide her nakedness. Ben sat there, still in frozen in shock at Rey’s dismissal. 

“You need to leave now, please Ben,” she repeated firmly before swiftly heading down the metal stairs to the studio below. 

He could hear her pottering around the kitchen below. Slowly he followed her, his eyes looking for his clothes before remembering that they were still in the bathroom. He stood for a moment but thought it best to clothe himself before attempting another conversation. 

In the bathroom he washed, splashing his face with cold water before looking at his reflection in the oval mirror above the sink. Surely she couldn’t mean it? There had to be some misunderstanding, there had to be. He slowly pulled on his crumpled clothes, trying to rack his brains for the reason she’d changed her mind. It was then that he saw on the shelf a bright orange pill container, Rey’s. He recognised the name of the medication and what they what it was for. He wondered why she had not mentioned it before, though why would she?

He left the bathroom, his heart racing and stomach churning. He found her leaning against the counter, staring ahead, coffee cup in hand. He noted that she hadn’t made him one, which was not a good sign. 

“Rey? Please tell me what’s going on.”

Her eyes briefly flashed up, meeting his. He thought he could sense pain and possibly doubt. Sensing a break in her façade, he tried again, taking a step forward. 

“Why are you pushing me away? Last night was incredible, you can’t deny what we have?”

“Last night was…”

She wanted to tell him it was literally the best night she had ever had. She wanted to tell him how alive she had felt in his arms, how safe and wanted she’d felt. It was on the verge of her tongue but the panic and fear she felt took over. 

“…it was great, but it was just a one-night thing.”

Ben’s forehead creased; his fists clenched at his side. 

“Rey, you can’t mean that,” he almost pleaded. “I thought…I thought that we had a connection…we…”

She cut him off.

“That’s sweet, but it was just some fun.”

She took another sip of coffee. He couldn’t understand where the warm, passionate and open woman had gone. She seemed so cold and blasé.

“You’re lying,” his voice had dropped, low and hard. 

“Excuse me?”

“I know you’re lying; I’ve seen you, the real you, and this isn’t it.”

“What the hell do you know about the real me?” she snapped. “Nobody knows me, not really.”

“But I do.”

“No…you don’t!”

“You’re scared,” he said quietly. 

She slammed her coffee mug down on to the counter, not caring that the coffee spilt over the sides, making a mess.

“How dare you assume to know me and my reasons!”

“You’re afraid of letting me,” he stepped closer once more, his hand reaching for her. 

She pushed him away, trying to move away from him as far as she could.

“Look, I’m sorry Ben, I can’t do this right now, not with you, not with anyone,” her voice cracked. “I shouldn’t have led you on, I’m sorry.”

“Bullshit, you’re a coward.”

Rey grew angry and slapped him hard across the face before holding her hand over her mouth in shock at her own actions. 

“Coward,” she spat as he rubbed his cheek in shock, the flesh stinging and red. “You’re a bigger coward than anyone.”

His eyes widened, temper raging. 

“Me? What have I done?”

Rey scoffed.

“You stay in a job that you hate, with a boss that don’t respect, doing things that you don’t believe in,” she shouted. “You don’t live, you just exist, shutting everyone out.”

“I didn’t shut you out,” he muttered.

“Look, we’re done okay, I’m sorry.” 

He noted how she avoided the point he had made, knowing that he was right. Their eyes locked as Rey could begin to feel her resolve crumble. Ben’s lips parted as though to say something, but instead he grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair and left. As the door shut firmly behind him, she let the tears run. She wanted to call him back, wanted to say sorry and let him wrap his strong arms around her; but how long would it last? Once he began to see the real her, he would want out and she couldn’t handle that, not again. 

One month later

Ben sat at his desk, staring blankly at the screen in front of him, the cursor blinking, waiting for him to carry on typing. 

“Snokes on the warpath.”

Ben’s eyes flicked up; Hux was leaning in the door way with the air of someone who had given up caring. His pale faced framed with a shock of red hair immaculately groomed as always. 

“When isn’t he?” Ben rolled his eyes.

“Today is worse than normal,” Hux replied, rubbing his shadowed eyes. “It’s the Bridger case.”

Ben groaned more outwardly than he would have in the past. It was strange, after treating Hux as an enemy and rival for so long, this new comradery felt weird, in a good way. Rey’s words had affected him in more ways than one. 

“It was only a matter of time.”

“What have you done?” Hux was curious.

“Something I should have done a long time ago,” Ben replied with a long sigh. 

“Solo!” Snoke’s decrepit voice carried down the hallway to Ben’s office.

Hux grimaced sympathetically.

“Good luck,” with that he disappeared, Ben couldn’t blame him. 

Within seconds of him leaving, the wiry, bent form of Snoke looked up in front of him. His face could have been described as thunderous, it’s features twisted and shadowed with rage. Ben spotted that one large, purple vein above his right eyebrow that throbbed violently whenever Snoke lost his temper. Ben almost wanted to laugh…almost. 

“How dare you go behind my back!”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“The Bridger account…you met with Mrs Bridger without my consent,” he snarled.

Ben casually ran his hands through his hair knowing that the gesture would anger Snoke further. 

“Just doing my job.”

“Your job Solo, is to do what I tell you to do, go where I tell you to go, not to offer your services for free to every sob story that comes along. I taught you better than that!”

Ben stood suddenly, pushing his chair away and leaning his hands against the desk, his face now level with Snoke’s. 

“I quit.”

“What?” Snoke gasped.

“You heard me, I quit.”

Snoke spluttered and spat in disbelief as Ben calmly placed his briefcase upon the desk and opened it. He slowly packed the few belongings he had kept in the office into it, his mug, his favourite pen and his tablet, before snapping it shut. He had never been one for personal effects. 

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Ben stepped forward from behind the desk, placing himself in front of his former mentor. 

“Excuse me,” he looked down on the man, the man who currently looked as though he were about to suffer an apoplexy. 

Ben didn’t budge, his gaze and stance firm. Snoke stared back, his wrinkled face undulating as he ground his molars. Finally, he conceded and stepped aside. Ben just nodded and stepped out of his office, all eyes in the office quickly reverting back to their respective screens. He began to walk down the hallway, Snoke screaming after him. 

“You’re nothing without me!”

With every step he took, Ben felt lighter. 

“You hear me? Nothing! You’re pathetic, weak!”

He paused at the door; his fingers pressed against the wood as he pushed it open. 

“If you go out that door, you’re done, finished!” 

Ben turned briefly, a wry smile upon his face.

“Snoke, you need to let the past die.”

With that he left.

Two months later

Rey rolled over, wrapping herself even tighter within her duvet, trying to block the daylight out. Her whole body felt sluggish, her mind foggy, dark, grey and clouded. She’s had more days like this than she cared to count. Her Doctor wouldn’t increase her dosage anymore, not since the last two times. Episodes like this were always the hardest, she didn’t want to be alive and she didn’t want to die either. She was trapped in a murky limbo, colourless. On her worst days, even painting didn’t help, hell, she couldn’t paint.

She heard the front door shutting followed by footsteps padding across the floor. A half smile played on her lips, Rose. The sound of Rose pottering around the kitchen reached her within her cotton cocoon. She sighed; she loved Rose and loved that she looked out for her, but she felt so exhausted. Rose’s footsteps echoed up on the metal staircase with a slow, steady thud. 

Rose placed the coffee mug on the bedside table before perching on the edge of the bed next to the mound. No movement. 

“Hey, anyone in there?” she tugged at the duvet burrito containing her friend. 

She pulled the bedding down so that Rey’s pale face peeked out. 

“Hi.”

“You getting up today Rey?”

Her response was a roll of the eyes. 

“Maybe, hadn’t decided.”

Rose’s brow furrowed, her dark eyes studying Rey intently. 

“I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk; I’ve missed you.”

“I don’t know Rose; I don’t really feel like it. I just want to sleep.”

“I know sweet, but some fresh air will be good for you. Besides, it will help walk off the calories from these pastries that Maz has sent,” she grinned holding up a brown paper bag. 

Rey sighed, seeing concern in her friend’s bright face. 

“I guess I could.”

“At a girl,” Rose smiled as Rey pushed herself up in bed, noting she looked thinner, paler. 

The two friends munched on Maz’s offerings, Rey nibbling delicately on the cinnamon concoction. 

“He moved out,” Rey announced out of the blue after a few mouthfuls, her eyes focused on the pastry in her hands. 

“Ben?”

Rey nodded sullenly. 

“Two weeks ago,” she continued, looking out of her bedroom window at the empty apartment opposite. 

It looked cold, empty, impersonal; an aching void reminding her every day. 

“You miss him?”

Rey nodded slowly, putting the flaky pastry down, her small appetite vanishing once more. 

“It was for the best,” she spoke to herself more than Rose. “He wouldn’t have been able to handle…all of this.”

Rose bit her lip, her eyes narrowed.

“Rey…”

She hesitated, trying to find the right words.

“What?” Rey frowned. 

“It’s just that you never really gave him the chance.”

“I love you Rose but I know what I’m talking about, I could feel myself…falling…” her voice began to break. 

“You were falling for him?”

Rey nodded, brushing the tears that were beginning to fall away.

“I just didn’t want to get in too deep for him then to see how much of a mess I am…and leave.”

“He’s not your ex and he’s not your parents,” Rose put her arm around her sobbing friend. “If he’s as great as you say he is, doesn’t he deserve a chance?”

Rey didn’t reply but Rose could see that she was mulling it over. Her words had definitely hit home. 

“There was another reason I came today,” she quickly changed the subject.

“Aside from checking up on your disaster of a friend?” Rey smiled, a glimpse of her normal self-shining through. 

Rose just laughed.

“Well I know you didn’t come to your own opening night at the gallery, disappointing your many fans, but you sold over half of your paintings…so far,” Rose announced excitedly. “Poe said he tried to call you but you hadn’t picked up.”

“Really?”

“Poe managed to wrangle a great price for them apparently.”

Rose’s heart lifted at the look of genuine pleasure upon Rey’s face. Finn’s boyfriend Poe owned and ran an art gallery in town on the Upper East Side of Coruscant. He was beginning to make a name for himself in being a curator of individualistic styles and pieces, ignoring the current trends of the elite. Finn had convinced him to take a look at Rey’s work and he’d genuinely loved it. He had given her a spot in his gallery, recognising her talent and raw passion though Rey had thought that he was just being kind.

“I’m really proud of you.”

Rey blushed as she always did when someone tried to pay her a compliment. 

“How about we go out to celebrate tonight?”

“I’m not there yet Rose, but soon…maybe. I am going to call Poe though,” Rey pondered. “Did you have a good time at the opening?”

Rey was surprised to see a faint rosy blush creep up along her neck. 

“It was fun night,” she replied coyly. “I did you proud representing you.”

“Oh I have no doubt…but why are you blushing?”

“I may have got someone’s number.”

“Do spill!”

“He was just so adorable and British and clearly had a pole stuck up his ass,” she giggled, her whole face lighting up.

Rey hadn’t seen her friend like this before.

“He’s a lawyer,” Rose blurted, hiding her face. “Called Armitage.”

Rey burst out laughing for the first time in ages.

“What kind of a name is that?” she squealed. 

“I know right! He should not be my type at all, but I caught him staring for a long time at my nude portrait. When I introduced myself and he made the connection, he couldn’t stop stammering and went so red!”

“Poor guy, he didn’t have a chance.”

“No, he did not,” she then paused.

“What?”

“He’s actually a friend, or colleague of erm…Ben’s.”

“Oh.”

“Do you mind?”

“No of course not, why would I?”

She shifted on the spot, her hands plucking the bed covers absent mindedly. 

“Ok if you’re sure, now come on, lets go on a walk.”

That evening when Rey got in from her walk, she did something she hadn’t done since she’d told Ben to leave, she pulled out his portraits from where she had hidden them away. His eyes looked back at her from the canvas, that subtle question within them, the barely detectable frown. She remembered how he had looked down at her as he’d entered her, a look of awe and affection in his eyes. She had never felt so beautiful and wanted. He had been right; she was a coward. 

In a flurry of energy, she grabbed a fresh canvas from the wall and began to paint. It felt good to guide the brushes and her fingers over the blank canvas, filling in the pale emptiness with warmth and colour. Forms began to take shape as the colours merged and combined, her arms stretching across the canvas. All night she worked, the need for sleeping not hitting her as she fuelled herself with coffee and cinnamon cereal. As the autumn sun slowly crept up sleepily from the horizon, Rey added the final stroke to her work. Standing back she looked at it, it was done. She hadn’t painted through the night like that for a time, it felt good, a piece of her returned. As she looked at the face looking back at her she smiled.


	7. Prismatic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben receives an unexpected visitor at work. Rey admits the truth and faces her fears before she can move on and really live.

Ben entered the office at work, travel cup in hand as he greeted the receptionist Kaydal. Though it had been a couple of months, he still marvelled at going to work without the heavy existential dread he had gotten used to. These days he had more spring in his step as he focused on how he could really help people at this new firm. After he had resigned from Snoke’s law firm, he had done something that he had been putting off for a long time, he went home. He had expected scoldings or at least an “I told you so”, especially from his mother, but both parents had been overjoyed to see him. In fact, the reunion had been somewhat emotional, his mother breaking down in tears as she found him awkwardly waiting on her doorstep. 

“I’m sorry,” he’d broken down as both of them had embraced him warmly.

Neither Han nor Leia dwelt on the past, but focused on the here and now, healing, moving on. 

After Rey’s dismissal of him, her words had haunted him day in day out about his job until he’d quit. It was the best decision he had ever made and freed him up to make a real difference. With his mother’s help, he’d set up a legal service for those I need and those with limited income, the emphasise on helping people. He’d even convinced Hux to join him in the venture after realising that they could achieve so much more together than as rivals or enemies. Hux said that he did it out of revenge on Snoke for overlooking him for years and using him. Ben however, suspected that it was more to do with the girl he had started dating, the girl who seemed to have drawn him out of himself. 

His mother Leia, a human rights lawyer had been thrilled at Ben’s idea and got the ball rolling. He would always remember the look in her eyes on their first day at the new firm. 

“I’m so proud of you Ben.”

He had not realised just how much it had meant to him, hearing those words. Despite all of this, there was still a gaping hole where Rey had briefly resided. She had launched herself into his heart whether she had meant to or not. His whole world had been shaken by her arrival, his broken heart a painful reminder. He told his mother about her when he found out about the art show. He hadn’t plan to go, as tempted as he was, but Leia had talked him into it, arguing it could be the closure he needed. When he’d arrived at the gallery, he’d felt like throwing up and his heart potentially stopped at the thought of seeing her again. All his worry though, had been for nothing, as she had not been there. He was split, both relieved and disappointed at her absence. 

“I’m sorry,” Leia had patted his arm sympathetically.

Ben just shrugged. 

“Probably for the best.”

Her absence did mean one thing though, he could really look at her work, knowing that she wasn’t watching him. He’d seen some of the pieces before, but seeing them in this environment was different, her talent stood out, fresh and vibrant, her soul. He could feel her anger, loss, depression, love and depression and passion and for one night he felt closer to her again. 

The final piece in the collection was a self portrait done in oils. For a moment his breath caught as he found her face looking down at him. His gaze drifted over every line and curve of her face, the way her eyes crinkled, the slope of her lips that were upturned slightly into a smile with smattering of freckles upon her nose. Despite the smile in the portrait, her eyes told another story, a story that she had told him the morning she had dumped him. The painting was her, her sadness and doubt, hidden by the colourful persona she projected. His heart ached at the lost possibility. So many times, he’d wanted to chase her, go after her, but knew instinctively that it would not work, it would push her further away. Rey obviously had things to work out. Sighing he opened his emails and got to work.

−

Rey stood nervously outside of the building that lay on the edge of town. The red brick looked welcoming almost, unlike many of the lawyer’s offices further in the city. The clear plaque with simple black lettering caught the winter sunlight, ‘Organa and Partners.’ This was definitely the place. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the blue door open, her heart pounding. She found herself in a small but cosy reception, warm and welcoming. A young woman sat behind the desk on a call; she gestured to Rey that she’d seen her with a smile and a nod of the head. Rey smiled and looked around, trying to ignore the nerves gnawing away at her insides, the smell of coffee and vanilla filling the air. She unwound her thick red scarf as the room’s warmth began to seep through to her chilled body. As she unbuttoned her coat, she turned and round and gasped for one of her paintings hung upon the wall behind her. Her colours faced her, an explosion of pink, yellow and red, one of her more abstract pieces. Her lips curved into a subtle smile as she remembered the day she had painted it. It had been the day after Ben had first visited her apartment, she had been full of energy and excitement and hope. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” a soft feminine voice interrupted her. 

Rey turned to the receptionist and smiled. 

“My boss bought it at an art show recently.”

She quickly tapped into her keyboard and looked back up at Rey. 

“Right, all done. How can I help you?”

Rey shyly approached the desk.

“I need to see Be…Mr Solo,” she replied quietly. 

“Oh, do you have an appointment?” the receptionist began scrolling through the diary.

“No, I don’t, but I really need to see him…please.”

Kaydal eyes the visitor curiously. 

“I will go and check with him,” she stated eventually. “Who shall I say needs to see him?”

“Rey.”

“Rey who?”

“Rey, just Rey.”

“Okay just Rey,” Kaydal smiled. “Hang on for just a moment.”

While Kaydal disappeared, time seemed to slow down. She began to convince herself that it had been a mistake to come, after what she had said to him, after striking him. Her actions still filled her with shame. She was a breath away from leaving when the receptionist returned.

−

Ben blinked; not sure he had heard correctly. 

“Who did you say was here?”

“Rey, she didn’t leave a surname.”

If Kaydal noticed that Ben’s complexion had lightened a couple of shades, she didn’t notice. Ben’s stomach had plummeted.

“Erm Sir…what should I tell her?”

He snapped out of whatever zone he had gone to.

“Send her up, it’s fine.”

Kaydal nodded.

Ben stared at his computer screen, his heart thudding and his palms sweaty. ‘This is not how I thought today was going go.’ Why was she here? He didn’t dare hope, he couldn’t let himself. He needed to be cool, calm and collected. She probably just wanted legal advice. ‘What if she was in trouble?’ His fingers drummed erratically upon the desk before he stood up, paced the office and sat back down when someone rapped on the door. 

“Come in,” he announced, his voice more croaky than he’d have liked. 

He ran his hands through his hair one more time as the door slowly opened. He told himself to remain calm, unaffected by her appearance, but as he looked at her for the first time in months, his heart contracted. She looked paler than he remembered and a little thinner, her under eyes darkened. He immediately wanted to launch across his desk and hold her, kiss her, touch her. Instead he straightened his back and placed his hands upon the desk, feeling the reassuring firmness of the wood beneath him. 

“Rey.”

“Ben.”

She didn’t enter the room, just hovered on the precipice, an internal battle waging inside of her. An awkward minute passed as they looked at each other, neither one really prepared for the onslaught of emotions that hit them. 

“Please sit down,” Ben finally gestured to the chair positioned in front of his desk. 

She pulled the chair out and sat down, her hands fidgeting on her lap as though she didn’t know what to do with them. She kept her eyes down, almost afraid to look up, afraid to see hate or disgust in his eyes. 

“How are you?” she asked finally.

“Good, good.”

She noticed that he didn’t ask her the same, the silence heavy.

“How long have you been here?” she gestured to the office, trying to fill the gap. 

“Two months.”

“Great…great,” she bit her lip and twisted her fingers. “I saw you moved out…”

Ben’s eyebrow raised, still confused as to why she was here.

“Erm yeh, after I left my job, my funding was somewhat reduced. I mean, I have savings but I didn’t want to waste them on a big empty apartment.”

Another awkward silence fell, both avoiding each other’s eyes.

“Rey, why are you here?” Ben sighed deeply. “Do you need help?”

Rey’s face scrunched up into a scowl. 

“No of course not.”

Ben raised his hands defensively.

“I’m sorry, it’s just you were very clear last time that I saw you that you didn’t want to see me again.”

“I…I know…” she stuttered. 

Ben waited, not talking, despite seeing how awkward and uncomfortable she looked.

“Ben, I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry, sorry about how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that all…”

“Rey…”

“No! Let me finish!” she firmly interrupted, talking quickly, trying to get out what she wanted to say. “You were right, what you said to me that day, about me being scared, being a coward. It’s true. I was scared, petrified.”

“Of me?” his hurt expression pained her, reminding her again of how much she hurt him that day.

“No, well yes,” she grew flustered. “I was scared because, well, because…I…I was falling for you, I fell for you.”

Ben stared at her, a loud ringing in his eyes and palpitations in his chest. Words wouldn’t form on his tongue, instead his mouth just opened. Rey herself began to scramble for words. 

“I thought that maybe, I don’t know,” she waved her hands in the air, as her eyes glistened. “I was scared that I’d fall for you and then you’d see who I really was, what I was really like.”

“I know you Rey, I don’t know what you mean.”

“I’m not always like you think I am, I’m a mess, I’m not right, I’m not always myself.”

Realisation hit Ben hard and suddenly he felt lighter than he had down for a while. He remembered the medication that he’d seen. 

“Rey, nobody is okay all of the time, you don’t have to be.”

Rey wiped her eyes.

“Yeh people say that until it becomes too much for them or they don’t want to deal with it anymore and then they…”

“Leave you?”

“Yeh.”

His heart broke for her, imagining the pain and betrayal she must have suffered in the past. He wanted to tell her that it wouldn’t happen with him, that he would never do that to her, but the people in her past had probably done the same. He wanted to hold and comfort her but was terrified of scaring her away. 

“Rey…I…”

She shot up on to her feet once more, not wanting to hear his dismissal.

“Look, I didn’t come here today with any expectations, I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for how I treated you.”

Ben didn’t know what to say when she turned round to leave and froze. 

Rey just stood there, staring at the wall as Ben held his breath.

“You bought it?” her voice sounded shaky.

She didn’t turn to face him; she couldn’t bring herself to just yet. Ben stood up and slowly approached her as her self portrait looked down upon them. 

“Yeh, I just missed you so much,” now it was his turn to stumble over words. “It felt like I still had a part of you with me. My mom bought the one downstairs.”

“Oh Ben,” she let out a little sob.

He hesitantly placed a hand upon her shoulder, ready to move it away if she was not yet ready. For Rey, Ben’s hand upon her felt comforting, like an anchor that she could cling to. His breath caught when she placed her hand and rested her cheek upon them. They stood quietly for a moment, both trying to piece their thoughts and feelings together. Their raging emotions began to settle, both feeling more certain than they had before. Encouraged by her movements so far, he gently wrapped his free arm around her, standing closer behind her. His heart thrummed with happiness when she leant back into him. 

He rested his chin upon her head, her scent enveloping him. She rejoiced in the feeling of being held by him again, it felt natural, right. 

“Rey?”

“Yes.”

“What do you want?”

She let go of his hand and turned to face him, her pale face looking up at him. For a second, he panicked, he couldn’t lose her again when she was right there before him. 

“I want you, but I’m scared,” she whispered. 

He gently held her face.

“I’m scared too.”

“You are?”

“Yes, I’ve never felt like this before, the last few months without you have been hell.”

A tear rolled down Rey’s face, collecting on her jawline. Ben wiped it away.

“Rey, let me love you…please.”

He looked so vulnerable, his eyes pleading with her.

“You’re not alone,” he added.

“Neither are you.”

She pressed her face upwards, her eyes closed. He closed the gap, meeting her half way, their lips pressing together. Though the kiss was soft and tender, it held a promise of their future. 

As their faces parted, Ben’s mouth broke into a smile, still scarcely able to believe that she was here, kissing him. 

“Ben I can’t promise that things will be easy…”

“I know,” he replied softly. “Just give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me.”

Rey nodded before pulling him in for a deeper kiss as he enfolded her within his broad arms. They parted as they heard footsteps approaching the office. Kaydal appeared, after politely and diplomatically clearing her throat to give them extra warning. 

“Mr Solo, your ten am is here.”

“Thank you Kaydal, I’ll be right down,” his eyes never leaving Rey. 

“Of course Sir,” Kaydal was gone once more. 

“Will you come to dinner at mine tonight?” Rey asked. “Please?”

“I’d love to,” he smiled back.

“Seven?”

“Seven.”

For the first time since she’d arrived in his office Rey smiled, a smile that lit up her whole face. 

−  
Ben arrived at Rey’s apartment at exactly 19:00, his hands shaking as he knocked the door. He had come straight from the office, not wanting to waste any time in getting changed. She let him in, both still shy around each other after their heartfelt reconciliation that morning. She took his heavy woollen coat and briefcase, putting them neatly out of the way as he removed his shoes. 

As he walked into the apartment, the smell of something cooking permeated the air. Herbs, spices and vegetables mixed with the aroma of oil paint and linseed oil. It was then that his gaze caught a large canvas in the corner, a sheet draped over it.

“Can I look?” he asked as she loitered behind him, a little unsure of himself. 

“Okay.”

He stepped forward and gently pulled at the draping fabric, letting its pale folds fall to the floor. He gasped at what he found underneath. 

“It’s…it’s…”

“Do you like it?” she stood next to him; her expression concerned. 

She chewed her paint stained fingernails as she waited for a response. 

Ben’s eyes watered as he looked at the painting, for looking back at him was the two of them. She had painted them together using every colour imaginable, capturing their very likeness. Both of them bathed in a warm colourful light as a swirl of blue and grey danced around them.

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered.

“It’s the first thing I painted in a while,” she muttered.

“I love it,” he ran his finger lightly over the canvas, feeling the ridges of the paint beneath. 

“Truly?”

He turned to face her.

“I’ve loved everything you’ve painted, but this is us…together,” he told her, pulling her closer. 

He knew he would be here for her always, no matter what she was going through. He knew that she was strong, but for the days she couldn’t be, she could lean on him. 

They kissed, slow and sweet before deepening into something more primal, raw. They began to explore each other’s bodies once more, their kisses and touches remembering what they had once shared. They never made it upstairs to the bed, their clothes were divested of where they stood. As the rain began to pelt itself against the glass panes of her windows, their bodies merged.

Ben’s hands reclaimed Rey’s body as quickly as she gave it to him. She felt thinner and looked paler, more delicate, but it was still her, his Rey. Pulling her to the floor with him, their naked forms undulated and moved together. Neither one wanting to rush this moment but both wanting to join as soon as possible. As he entered her, unable to hold back any longer, both cried out. She clung to him as a lifeline as he thrust in and out of her, his hips becoming more frenzied. Every stroke inside of her felt like going home. As he filled her, stretching her, she wanted to cry and scream his name over and over, her fingernails raking along his bed. 

He moved a hand down between them and began to circle her swollen nub, making her gasps and pants become more and more urgent. Their eyes never left each other, fixed and intense. Deep, hot, bright desire unfurled in Rey’s belly, shooting outwards in an explosion of pleasure. As she came, she shouted out, her back arched and her eyes shut. 

“I love you.”

He was not far behind her and plunged into hard, one last time. He couldn’t even cry out as a sensation so powerful overtook him. He swore he could see stars shimmering in front of him in every colour. Rey’s legs wrapped around his waist as he finished as though to pull him in even closer to her. Both panted as their slick, warm bodies stayed entangled, Ben still inside of her. 

His body started to tremble so he collapsed down next to her, still entwined. No more words were needed right now. As they shared another kiss, their bodies still thrumming from their joining, both had never felt such a feeling of belonging. This was where they should be, where they should always be. As their bodies responded to each other once more, dinner was forgotten about until it became a blackened charcoal lump in the oven. Rey would later bemoan the loss of her pan, but she didn’t really mind, not really. 

Epilogue: Six months later

Ben’s eyes slowly opened as the sunlight poured through the gap in the drapes and onto his face. Stretching languidly, he kicked off the sheets, the day’s warmth already mild. He automatically reached for Rey but she was evidently already up, the mattress now cool on her side. He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before pulling on his boxers that had been thrown to the floor the night before. 

He had only lived here with Rey for four months, but it already become more of a home to him than his own apartment had ever been. Rey and his life with her were everything to him. Even during her dark days or ‘colourless voids’ as she liked to call them, he was glad that he could be there for her in any way that she needed. She was seeing a therapist now, which definitely had helped her worst moments. Ben never asked what she talked about in there, letting her volunteer information when she wanted to. In turn she had filled his life with more happiness and love than he thought possible. He hadn’t been alive before, merely existing. He saw his parents much more, the rift between them closing and binding them closer together. They loved Rey and she them, his life was full as was his heart. 

Heading downstairs, the metal creaking beneath his weight, he found Rey painting, making the most of the early morning light. So involved was she, that she didn’t hear or notice him. He watched her while she worked, her brunette hair tumbling down her shoulders. She was naked besides one of his t-shirts that she had thrown on, the sunlight highlighting her shapely silhouette beneath. She hummed to herself as her hand and brush caressed the canvas, tucking a stray hair behind her ears. Ben couldn’t wait any longer. 

“Marry me?” he blurted out.

Rey’s hand froze and her eyes flicked up to meet his.

“What?” she slowly put her brush her down.

“Marry me…please?” he asked again, descending the remaining few stairs. 

Rey’s nose crinkled as it always did when she was thinking. Ben’s heart began to jump around. ‘Oh crap, what if she says no?’

Her slightly pensive face broke into a grin, her skin glowing. 

“Yes,” she nodded happily. 

Before he had chance to respond, she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Ben had never felt so relieved in his life. He lifted her up and spun her around as she kissed him fervently over his face. 

He fell back on to the sofa with her straddling his lap, still kissing him. She paused, holding his face in her hands. 

“I love you so much Ben Solo,” she spoke softly, her eyes moist with tears. 

“I love you too Rey,” he kissed her gently. “I loved you before I’d even met you, your work. I’ll love you until I die.”

Rey laughed, light and musical. 

“Who knew that a lawyer could be such a romantic,” she teased. 

“You just reminded me of who I really was.”

Rey playfully kissed his nose.

“I saw it the first time I met you," she leant her forehead against his, her eyes closed. "You help me fight the black shadows, and keep the grey away."

"Its the least I can do for all the colour you've put to my life."

"There you go, being romantic again," she laughed softly.

"Get used to," Ben whispered, his eyes gazing at her with an adoration and love she would never get over. "You are my love, my life."

"I love you Ben Solo."

They were soon lost in each other's arms, painted in the amber and gold sunlight pouring in through the windows, prismatic and shimmering.


End file.
